Understand why you do what you do and forgive yourself. Self reflection is healthy and positive. Self-criticism and feeling guilty are unproductive behaviors that do more harm than good, so if you catch yourself in one of these patterns, remind yourself that there are healthier ways for you to work things out. Understand that you have done the best you could, and repeatedly tell yourself this. [2] X Research source Think of three things right now that you excel at, receive many compliments for or truly enjoy doing. Write them down and put the list somewhere you go often, like a bathroom or on the refrigerator.
Think about what you are doing right now to support each of your values, and how your values are affecting your life. It can help to consider what a person that you respect would think of your values and whether this would change what they are. Decide what you have to do to boost your self-esteem and satisfaction with life. Think about the person you want to be and what character traits, ways of thinking, behavior patterns, and life you would have as that person.
Having courage means you draw on your strength and willpower to accomplish what you need or want to, despite some form of adversity. For example, this can be taking a business risk, doing well in school, or some selfless act that sets you apart from others. Courage is the opposite of fear, and can be developed by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, acknowledging your fears, exposing yourself to the things you are afraid of, and doing acts that are considered courageous regularly. [4] X Research source Temperance (moderation or self-restraint) is important because it allows you to maintain perspective, calmness, self-control. For instance, showing restraint from arrogance by behaving with humility can prevent you from destroying relationships. Wisdom encourages you to gain knowledge and experience so that you can use information for a higher purpose, such as in service of humanity or living a good life. You gain wisdom through trying new experiences, trial and error, and seeking knowledge. Self-discipline is imperative to gaining control of your life because it allows you to put all your intentions into action. This skill is developed over time and with practice as you accomplish each smaller goal on the way to achieving a larger vision. Always visualize your goals like you have already met them. Practice self-control every day by making small changes and sticking to them, even something like opening every door with your left hand. Being successful at these small changes will make the larger ones easier. [5] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Avoid statements like this, “I don’t want to be shy anymore and keep being lonely. ” This doesn’t define a direction to go or an action to take to meet your goal. Instead, try something like: “I will be more open to building relationships with this year by saying “yes” to every social invitation and asking a friend to do something at least once a week. " Consider your options. Don’t define yourself by your problems but by the opportunities available to you. [7] X Research source If you are struggling to pay the mortgage, focus on how you can earn a raise, make extra money on the side, or change jobs, instead of ruminating on your lack of funds. If you want, you can set goals according to different areas of your life, like work, health, relationships, etc. Break goals down into short-term (daily, weekly) and more long-term (monthly, yearly) ones. Examples might be: eat six servings of fruit and vegetables every day, work out four times a week or lose ten pounds this year. Don’t be afraid to modify your goals and ideas as time goes on and you figure out what works and what doesn’t. The point is that you take control of your life and the direction you are headed.
Use deep breathing and relaxation methods to help you calm down before saying or doing anything in response to a situation. Breathe in for five seconds, hold it for five more seconds and breathe out for five more seconds. Do this until you feel your physical responses, such as an increased heart-rate, become less intense. Seek a healthy outlet for your emotions like talking to someone, keeping a journal or engaging in active activities like martial arts. [8] X Research source
Practice mindfulness. One way to free yourself from the past is to focus on the present. With mindfulness, you are actively giving your attention to the present moment — how you feel in your body, how the sun feels on your face — just observing. [10] X Research source Instead of judging your thoughts (or yourself), you observe and note them. Mindfulness takes practice, but the benefits can be enormous. Make amends. If you are haunted by a mistake in your past, then it may help you to make amends. If you judge yourself for the way you teased your little sister, reach out to her (it can be face-to-face or in a letter), apologizing for your behavior. Give her the chance to tell you how she feels. Be aware that making amends may not repair a damaged relationship, but it can help you let go of the past and move forward.
Learn to meet your own needs. Get a job so you can support yourself if you live off of someone else. Then move out, and live on your own. Ask yourself, “What do I want to do today?” and make your own decisions. Think about what you love doing and what you feel passionately about. Don’t rely on others to tell you what to do or like.
Read papers, email and mail right away and take action right away, whether that means throwing it out, paying a bill or responding to a letter. Set up a daily schedule throughout the week, such as shopping, family time, appointments, task lists, etc. Throw things out that you haven’t used in six months. Don’t hold on to something because you could potentially use it in the future. Work on one thing at a time, particularly something small like a closet, and organize that first. Then move onto the next thing.
Communicate wants and needs and be sure that both people understand. Listen, and come up with solutions that work for both parties. Always express appreciation for the other person.
You may be resistant to dropping a commitment, but your choices in this situation are: continue to struggle to get things done, losing sleep, family time and impinging on other goals, do less-than-stellar or half-finished work, or letting something go. It’s ok to admit that you took on too much and cannot complete every task as well as you could with less commitments. Often, what you fear will happen as a consequence to giving a project up is unfounded. Minimize distractions. Avoid or get rid of the things that keep you from doing what needs to get done. If you’re trying to be more healthy, for example, throw away candy and garbage foods so you can avoid them more easily. Turn off phones and email notifications while working to keep your mind focused on getting the job done.
It can help to get up just a few minutes early each morning to spend five to 15 minutes on yourself. Work out, take a walk, or meditate. It is bound to make a difference in your life.
Try to get important work or tasks done during the first hour or two of the morning.
Don’t get so caught up in the future that you can’t enjoy your life now. Enjoy the journey toward your goal, and remember to be thankful for everything that you have achieved right now. Do the best you can, whether it’s at a project, a test or a pastime. Achievements that take effort make you feel good about yourself and motivate you to achieve more.
