Follow up with them by sincerely asking them how they are doing. Even if you can’t talk for long, expressing a sincere interest demonstrates that you care about them as a friend.
For example, if your friend recently got back from traveling, try saying something like, “How was your vacation in Aruba? I want to hear all about it. ”
If you don’t know about something, don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. If your friend asks you about a movie that you haven’t seen, for example, don’t just say, “I haven’t seen it. ” Follow up with, “It looks interesting, though. Tell me more about it. ”
For example, you don’t want to dive right in with problems that you’re having in your relationship. Start with less personal topics, and share more personal information as the friendship grows stronger. Balance what you share with what your friend is willing to share. If you really want to talk about personal secrets but they’re still only comfortable talking about their cat, respect that and wait to divulge your secret until you’ve built more trust. Likewise, if a friend is sharing more than you’re comfortable with, let them know, “I don’t know if I’m the right person to talk to about this. ”
Don’t lean forward so much that you’re violating your friend’s personal space. The intention is to lean forward a little bit to show your interest, not to lean forward so much that you make them uncomfortable.
It can sometimes be helpful to share a story about a time when you were emotionally struggling and asked for help. This lets your friend know that difficult times happen to everyone and that it’s okay to reach out.
Questions like, “How are you feeling right now?” give your friend more space to express their emotion than questions like, “Are you mad?”
Avoid placing blame for problems. If your friend cheated on a test, for example, don’t tell them they’re a bad student. Instead, say, “Math can be a tricky subject. Instead of cheating next time, though, why don’t we do our homework together so I can tutor you?”
For example, if your friend is struggling with depression, they might be afraid to talk to a therapist. Offer to look up a few therapists in their area that specialize in helping patients with depression.
Let them know, “That’s all right. I’m not going to push you if you don’t want to talk. Just know that I am here for you if decide later that you need someone to listen to you. ” There are a lot of reasons your friend may not be ready to talk. They may not be sure how they feel about a situation. They may be trying to move past it. They may not feel safe comfortable talking about the situation. Don’t take it personally. Just respect them.
Paraphrase your friend periodically as they speak. This lets them know that you are paying attention to what they are saying. [9] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Express empathy. Empathy is very important in active listening. If your friend has negative feelings, whether they are toward you or someone else, validate those feelings rather than questioning them. For example, if your friend is stressed by their job, listen to them until they’re done speaking. Then, paraphrase and show empathy by saying “What I hear is that you feel really stressed right now, and I understand how a workload like that can lead to stress. ”
If there’s something you really want to address but your friend is still talking, make a note to yourself. It could be a mental note, or you could write down a few words on a scrap of paper to help remind you of your points.
