If it’s something that you really need to discuss, go ahead and do so. But if you’re just using this an excuse to have one more talk with him, bite your tongue and let it go.
“Hey, do you have a second? I just need to ask you something real quick. ” “Hi there. Do you mind if I ask you something if you’re not busy?” “Sorry to interrupt, but could I steal you away for a few seconds?”
“I just remembered that I left my sweater at your place. Do you mind bringing it in tomorrow?” “Doug called me last night to say he’s going to be in town next week, and he wants to see you. Just letting you know. ” “I just wanted to return that book you lent me. Here you go. ”
For example, if you need to find out why he stopped talking to you all of a sudden, address the issue briefly and directly, like: “I’m just confused about why you’ve stopped talking to me. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s something I said or did. I’d like to know why. " Of course, what you have to say may be a little complex. If so, write it down and rehearse it beforehand. Aim to say everything you need to say in five minutes or less.
Let’s say the two of you were in a relationship and adopted a dog together, which is a pretty big deal. Now you’re arguing about whether only one of you will keep it or if you’ll both share custody, and you’ve reached a stalemate. Just say, “We can deal with this later,” and bring up a new topic that you need to discuss. Ideally, pick one that he’s likely to agree with you about, like, say, cancelling reservations for that Vegas vacation you booked before breaking up. The more that the two of you come to agreements about easy subjects, the more receptive he’ll be when you need to return to the more difficult ones. This isn’t a guarantee that he’ll change his mind, but it should at least reset the tone so it’s more civil.
Similarly, use the post office if you need to send or return something, like that book he lent you. Stick in a simple note like “Didn’t want you to think I stole it,” put it in the mailbox, and be done with it. [6] X Research source
For example, if he’s grown distant because he’s started hanging out with a much different crowd, acknowledging this is necessary for you to come to terms with what happened, but dwelling on it won’t really accomplish anything.
For instance, let’s say that he broke things off because you betrayed a secret that he told you in confidence. Whether he can trust you again is up to him. All you can do is learn from this so you can avoid repeating the same mistake with someone else.
