The best time to approach the subject is when it is just the two of you. Attempting to convince your spouse to do something in a group setting or when others are around may seem like you are trying to put them on the spot and make them be agreeable so they won’t embarrass themselves in front of others. Your spouse will likely become defensive and may even feel betrayed. Instead, begin the conversation when you’re having a nice dinner or when you are relaxing on the couch. [2] X Research source You might say something like, “Can we get dinner tonight? There’s something I’d like to discuss with you. " If your spouse is a football fanatic and there’s a big game on that night, then it might be a good idea to talk the next day. Choose a time when neither of you will be distracted and can focus.
Perhaps your spouse doesn’t like the weather where you currently live, and your ideal location has temperatures you believe they would like. Or maybe the jobs are better in that area.
It may be helpful to write down your spouse’s responses to each of your topics. Doing so allows you to come back to the list and think about possible solutions for your spouse’s apprehensions, should you have another conversation about moving. [4] X Research source
Be sure to mention every advantage you can think of. These can include better schools, shorter commute to work, being closer to family or friends, or a safer neighborhood. If you want to move to a smaller home, bring up how your mortgage or rent is likely cheaper each month, how you’ll pay less for utilities, and how you may not have to do as much yardwork. [6] X Research source If you and your spouse have long-term goals, talk about how moving can help you achieve them. For instance, paying a lower mortgage can help you save for early retirement, or moving closer to your extended family means your parents can help watch your kids, saving you money on daycare and babysitters.
No one wants to feel like they aren’t being heard or that their opinion doesn’t matter. Assuring your spouse that you get them and why they are hesitant to move shows you are supportive. This usually leaves the opportunity to discuss the matter further, instead of your spouse shutting it down immediately.
If your spouse is nervous about moving away from their parents, for instance, you might say, “I understand that you’re reluctant to move because you don’t want to be further away from your parents. I think we can work out an arrangement so that you can still be there for them even if we don’t live as close as we did before,” then work on a plan together that includes moving and doing what your spouse also wants to do. [9] X Research source This shows your partner that you hear them and are taking their concerns seriously.
Allow your spouse to look at homes with you, scout out neighborhoods, and choose design options. They may find that moving presents them with better choices when they are able to see what the home and area are like. [11] X Research source
If you are able to, rent an apartment in the new location for a few months. This allows your spouse to really get an idea of what it would be like to move there. You may find that they like the new area because of this, or you may even discover that after living there, you would rather not move at all. [12] X Research source
To make the agreement even more official, put together a contract of sorts. Include that you agree to live in the new home for a year and you will move back to the original home if you aren’t both happy with the new place. Having a document such as this may make your spouse feel more confident that you will, in fact, move if they don’t want to stay after a year. [13] X Research source
