For instance, don’t talk bad about your teen’s teachers or other parent in front of them. If you do, they’ll think it’s okay to disrespect authority figures. Don’t insult or berate other children, even if they’re in the wrong. Let’s say your teen’s friend insulted them. Say something like, “I heard what you said to Dylan, and it wasn’t appropriate. I expect you to apologize right now or you’re going home. ”
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take deep breaths and count to 10. If you scream and curse, it teaches your teen that it’s okay to behave this way when they’re upset. If you lose your temper, use it as a teaching moment. Acknowledge that you behaved badly and what you should do instead. You might say, “I lost my temper earlier and shouldn’t have yelled at you. Instead, I should have talked to you about what happened. ”
For instance, let’s say you caught your teen sneaking out and you feel like screaming at them. You might say, “Go up to your room right now. I’ll be in to talk to you soon. ” When you go talk to your teen about what happened, say something like, “We have rules to protect you and you chose to break them. There are consequences for breaking the rules. Do you remember what they are?”
For instance, let’s say your teen wants a later curfew. You might say, “It sounds like you feel that I’m treating you like a child and that your friends have more freedom. I understand that feeling, but it’s my job to protect you. You’re not old enough to stay out later than 9:00 p. m. without an adult, but we can discuss other ways to help you feel more independent. ”
Say to your teen, “I can see you’re upset. What are you feeling?” To help your teen express their emotions, you might help them start journaling or help them find a friend to vent their feelings to.
Let’s say your teen tends to bottle up their feelings. You might do a role-play conversation where you play an angry teen and they play the parent. This might help them learn to put words to their feelings. Similarly, you might watch your teen’s favorite shows with them so you can discuss what’s happening and how your teen relates to it.
For example, you might tell your teen that you won’t tolerate yelling, name-calling, or backtalk. You could say, “I expect you to use a respectful tone and kind words when you speak. Additionally, wait your turn to speak instead of interrupting someone. "
As an example, let’s say you’re upset because your teen is always on their cell phone at dinner. You might prefer that they put their phone away and excitedly engage in conversation. However, it’s unrealistic to set an expectation that they happily talk to you every day. Instead, you might tell them that you expect that they won’t use their phone during dinner.
For instance, your child might be required to apologize when they use unkind words with you. If they disrespect an authority figure, such as their teacher, they may be grounded for a weekend and also required to write an apology letter. Telling them the consequences in advance helps you tie the consequences to the specific behaviors you don’t want your teen to do.
For instance, don’t violate your teen’s privacy if they’ve asked you not to search their bag or sort through their desk drawers.
Let’s say you want to create a rule about chores. You might say, “What are some ways you could help out around the house?” Then, ask, “What do you think should happen if you don’t do your chores?” If your teen suggests a rule or consequence that doesn’t work for you, explain why you disagree. You might say, “I think that 10:00 p. m. is too late of a curfew for someone your age. "
Say, “Calling me a rude name is totally unacceptable. I expect you to speak to me with respect. While I’m upset with your behavior, I know you’re better than this. You’re a good person, and I love you. ”
Let’s say your teen has cursed you out. It’s totally normal to want to curse back at them. Instead, take a moment to count your breaths and calm down. Then, tell your teen something like, “This behavior is disrespectful and totally unacceptable. Go to your room until you’re ready to apologize. ”
You might say, “I heard you raise your voice to your brother, and that was disrespectful,” or “I saw you teasing your friend, which is disrespectful. ”
Let’s say your teen got angry that they weren’t allowed to go out with their friends, so they stormed back to their room and slammed their door. When your teen has calmed down, you might ask, “What would have been a better response. " Help them arrive at a response such as, “I could have used my words instead of storming off,” or “I shouldn’t have slammed the door because it disrespects your property. "
As an example, let’s say your teen called their teacher a rude word. You might say, “Calling someone names is unacceptable. You’re going to apologize to your teacher, and I’m taking away your Xbox for 1 week. "
Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist or search for one online. Your therapy appointments might be covered by insurance, so check your benefits.
