Explain that healthy self-love involves recognizing their strengths, accepting their weaknesses, being proud of their achievements. Distinguish healthy self-love from boasting about accomplishments to make others feel bad, which is probably a sign of low self-esteem. Mention that taking care of themselves is part of self-love. For example, taking time off from work to avoid burnout isn’t selfish. It’s a necessary part of maintaining physical and mental health. Remind them that self-love is not the same as selfishness. Instead, describe it as being “self-full. ” This means loving and caring for themselves, which ultimately will make it easier for them be there for others. [2] X Research source
If they have trouble coming up with positive traits, let them know what you admire about them. Say, “You have so many great qualities! You’re a hard worker, you’re great at tennis, and you’re always eager to help your family and friends. ” Encourage them to focus on their positive qualities, but try not to be bossy or give your loved one unsolicited advice.
Tell them, “Your self-worth should come from within, not from other people. Instead of wanting to get good grades so other people think you’re smart, study hard to reach your personal goals or because you value knowledge. ” Say, “It’s fine to feel good when someone compliments you, but don’t let other people’s opinions define you. Suppose someone makes fun of you for taking piano lessons. You enjoy playing piano and you value music, so their approval shouldn’t make a difference. ”
Say, “Being jealous of someone or getting mad at yourself won’t do you any good. Be happy for someone who possesses a talent you admire. Don’t get down on yourself if you don’t share that ability. Instead, remind yourself of your own strengths. ” Encourage them to work on things within their control, like getting into better shape or improving their time management skills. However, if they want to be a top gymnast but can’t do a cartwheel no matter how hard they try, remind them that even if they aren’t good at everything, they have plenty of other strengths to be proud of and other goals they can achieve. Spending too much time on social media can lead to unhealthy comparisons. If necessary, advise them to limit their screen time. [6] X Research source
For instance, they could help their friend or relative study or lend a hand with household projects. They could also volunteer for their favorite cause, such as for animal shelter, soup kitchen, or youth mentorship program. Tell them, “It’s harder to hold onto negative thoughts about yourself when you’re helping someone. It’s tough to convince yourself that you’re no good when you made someone’s day better. ”
Ask them, “Would you tell a close friend ‘You’re a bad person,’ or criticize them harshly? More likely, you’d let them know they need to work on something in a much nicer way. Instead of practicing negative self-talk, treat yourself the way you would treat your friends. ”[9] X Research source Suggest that they replace negative thoughts with more neutral or realistic ones. For example, instead of “I’m so dumb, I’ll never be good at math,” suggest that they tell themselves, “This is a difficult subject for me, but I’m going to work on getting better at it. ” This can help them transition to a more positive mindset. Make sure your friend is interested in hearing tips about controlling negative thoughts. If they don’t respond well, it might be best to give them some space instead of forcing the conversation.
Tell them, “Thinking in absolute, negative terms isn’t constructive. Instead of ‘I’ll never be good at this,’ say to yourself, ‘If I practice, I can improve,’ or ‘There are some things I’m not good at, and that’s okay. ’” Say, “Bad things can seem like they’ll stick around forever, but nothing is permanent. Think about times that you’ve dealt with tough situations. Things got better in time; just say to yourself, ‘This too shall pass. ’” Try encouraging them by saying, “Do your best to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You’ve overcome a lot, and you’ve become stronger by conquering past obstacles. ”
Lots of people lose sleep over making a faux pas or saying something embarrassing. If your loved one dwells on their mistakes, tell them, “Everyone does embarrassing things. You can’t change the past, so try to have a sense of humor about it. ”[12] X Research source Say, “If you messed up or made a bad decision, don’t dwell on what you could have done. Learn from a mistake, move on, and do your best not to do the same thing in the future. ”
For example, they might criticize themselves for things within their control, such as performing poorly at work or school. They could make improvements by spending more time studying, getting a tutor, pursuing professional development opportunities, or asking their boss for tips on being more efficient. However, everyone has to be realistic about limitations beyond their control. For instance, you might say, “It’s okay if you feel sad that you didn’t get the lead role in the play. The script mentions how short the character is, and you’re so tall. Other opportunities will come your way. ”
They should avoid people who put them down or constantly criticize them. Instead, they should seek relationships with people who appreciate and encourage them.
Tell them to eat a healthy diet filled with vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, and whole grains. Recommend that they exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. Suggest activities like brisk walks or jogs, cycling, swimming, and yoga. Let them know that getting rest is important, and that they should get 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night.
If they say they don’t have any hobbies or interests, offer suggestions or remind them of their passions. [16] X Research source For example, you might say, “I know you have a dog; you could go to new parks or hike nature trails together. Maybe you could go to agility or trick training classes together. ”
