Reflect on the evidence. Is there some other way to describe your friend’s behavior? Are they overwhelmed with work? Have they been sick? Consider your own state of mind. Are you going through a difficult time, and could that be clouding your judgement or perception when it comes to your friend’s behavior? Get a second opinion. Would someone else react the way you are?
Avoid unhealthy coping with food, sex, drugs or alcohol. Instead write in your journal, get some exercise, or listen to soothing music. Wait until you feel more calm and re-centered before approaching your friend.
Resist the urge to dwell on the betrayal or neglect. Use your energy to brainstorm solutions. How important was this betrayal? What do you want to do about it? Is it fairly minor and you want to let it go, or do you want to tell your friend how you feel?
Eat a healthy diet, get regular exercise, and sleep seven to nine hours each night to support your body. Ease your mind by doing relaxation techniques such as mindful meditation or massage therapy. Nourish your soul with activities like repeating positive affirmations, walking through nature, or praying.
Ask a few friends to get together for a sleepover or game night. Go see a new movie. Or, simply call up a close friend to talk.
You might inform your friend, “Hey, when you have some time this week, I’d really like us to sit down and talk. ”[5] X Research source
It might be a good idea to rehearse in front of a mirror or with another close friend or family member. While you’re practicing, you might also briefly consider what you want from the discussion. Do you want an apology? For your friend to correct their behavior? To end the friendship?
Make use of “I” statements to prevent defensiveness. These statements start with something along the lines of “I feel…” so you can take ownership of your thoughts and emotions. It may sound like “I feel betrayed. I told you a secret in confidence only to find out you shared it with Melissa, too. ”
You might say, “Can you explain why you did this?” or, “I expect an apology for you breaking my confidence. ”
You can demonstrate listening by summarizing what they said. You might say, “From what I’m hearing it sounds like you let my secret slip out. You didn’t really mean to share it. Is that right?"[8] X Research source
You might take some time after the initial conversation to contemplate how it went and whether they explained or apologized. Weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. Is it mostly good? Or do you often feel betrayed or neglected by this friend? You may even ask your friend, “Your behavior makes me think you aren’t as committed to our relationship as I am. Do you want to fix things?”[9] X Research source If it becomes clear that one of you is not committed to the friendship, then you will need to make some changes. You may need to spend less time together, or no longer share certain things with that friend.
Sit down with your friend with a few sheets of paper. You both should write out how you want to be treated in the friendship and how you don’t want to be treated. Then, share this information with one another. Ask questions to make sure you understand each other’s boundaries. You should also verbalize mutual agreement that you will respect and uphold these boundaries. Also, discuss consequences if boundaries are violated again. [10] X Research source
Confide in your friend with minor disclosures to verify that they won’t spread your secrets anymore. Make small commitments to hang out so that your friend doesn’t constantly break promises. If your friend shows effort, you might gradually increase your trust in them over time. [11] X Research source
For example, you might watch a certain TV show together on the same evening each week. Notice if your friend follows through with the changes you discussed. If they don’t, then you may need to take a step back from the friendship.
