“I’ve had such a hard week at work. In an ideal world, I’d be able to lie in my bed all day. Can I ask you a favor? Would you mind if we didn’t hang out tonight?” “I’m going through a lot right now, and I really need some time to reevaluate things. Can I ask you a favor? It’s a big one. Would you mind if we didn’t hang or talk for a few weeks?”
“My week has been really busy. I think I need to take it easy tonight. Thanks though!” “Thanks for thinking of me, but I have to pass. Do you want to make plans for just the two of us? I need a breather from group situations. “This sounds like so much fun! Would it be possible to get a rain check?” “I don’t know how to say this, but I don’t think we really mesh with each other. I’m going to put this friendship on the back burner for a while. "
“I’m not sure I’m up for going somewhere public. Would you be okay with just hanging out together at home?” “I think I need to be alone right now. Could we make plans for next week?”
“Hey, I want you to know that you’re really special to me. I hope you never question that!” “I know I’ve been less free to hang out lately, but that’s about me, not you. Trust me. " “Even though I’ve been too tired to go out lately, I actually really love hanging out with you around the house. "
“Hey, I don’t want to lie to you about this. . . " “I really want to be honest with you, so I’m just going to come right out and tell you how I’ve been feeling. "
“I want to talk to you about this, but right now I need time to could down. " “Let’s plan to chat about this later in the week. Right now, I’m feeling to overwhelmed to talk this through. "
Make an outline of your most important points. What do you need your friend to know? Once you have your outline, practice speaking in the mirror. You can always bring the outline with you if you think you may forget an important point.
You can always do this in person too, if it is easier for you. Avoid doing this online, however, as your words and intent could get misinterpreted.
“I need to set a boundary. I told you I needed space, and I need you to respect that. " “For this week, I’d really like it if you wouldn’t reach out at all. I’ll text you when I’m ready. "
Keep at it! Claiming the space you need is a powerful act of self-love!
Remember, these is nothing selfish with a little “me” time. If spending time with your friend is making you feel worse, then take a break!
Explain to your friend that you’re not being lonely, shy, or depressed. Tell them that you actually like being alone sometimes and that it’s nothing personal. If you just say that you want to be alone, your friend worry that something’s going on emotionally. They may not understand that this is just how you are.
If you like talking to this friend, you can still do so once the waters have calmed and nothing dramatic is going on. It’s important with these friends to discourage gossip. This will deter them from pulling you into other people’s drama.
This may motivate your friend to stick to plans better and stop being flaky.
Do you just need a night off? Do you no longer want to hang out with this friend one-on-one, but would be okay in groups (or vice versa)? Do you want to change the relationship itself (or even end it)?
