In codependent relationships, you may focus solely on the well-being and needs of the other person in your relationship and completely ignore yourself, often to your own detriment. [3] X Research source
A tendency to avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions, or masking your emotions with passive aggressive expressions of anger or humor Taking responsibility for other people’s actions or overcompensation for a partner’s actions Misconceptions that love means rescuing another person, which leads to constant thoughts of the other person’s needs Giving more than your share in the relationship Tendency to hang on to a relationship no matter what due to your personal feelings of loyalty to your partner, even though the relationship is harmful, usually to avoid feelings of abandonment Difficulty saying no or having guilt over being assertive Extreme preoccupation with the opinions of others or valuing their opinions over your own[4] X Research source Difficulty communicating, identifying your own needs, or making decisions[5] X Research source Feeling resentment over lack of acknowledgment for your personal efforts and self-sacrifice, which often lead to feelings of guilt
Does/has the person you live with ever hit or abused you in any way? Do you have trouble turning people down when they ask for help? Do you get overwhelmed by how much you have to do, but never take the time to ask for help? Do you ever doubt your own wants or needs? Or not believe in who you want to become? Do you go out of your way to avoid an argument? Do you worry constantly about how others think about you? Do you think other people’s opinions are more important than yours? Does the person you live with have a drinking or drug problem? Do you find it hard to adjust to changes in any environment? Do you get jealous or feel rejected when your partner spends times with friends/other people? Do you have a hard time accepting compliments or gifts from others?[6] X Research source
Feelings of emptiness Low self-esteem Confusion about your personal needs, goals, and feelings
This includes familial and platonic relationships in addition to romantic ones. Since it is passed down through families, there may be an instance where your entire familial unit exists or did exist in a codependent state, where all the needs of the family unit are put aside for the well-being of one member of the family. [7] X Research source
The takers typically have an excessive need for control of the attention, love, sexual relations, and approval they get and give. They will often get these things through expressions of violence, blame, anger, irritation, criticism, neediness, righteousness, incessant talking, invasive touching, or emotional drama. The taker individuals will often express these behaviors outside of the codependent relationship, which will affect their children, work relationships, and familial relationships.
Inability to make decisions Extreme worry, stress, and/or anxiety Low self-esteem Extreme need to make other people happy Fear of being alone Being angry often Not being assertive in communication with others[8] X Research source
You may have spent portions of your childhood being called upon to meet the needs of others, which taught you as a child to suppress personal emotional and physical needs as you developed in favor of taking care of a family member. When you left this family environment, you may have continued this pattern within your own romantic and other relationships, which may then get passed on to your children. [9] X Research source
This abuse may have happened during your childhood and continued without intervention from your family. This can also happen in codependent familial relationships. [10] X Expert Source Elizabeth Weiss, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 July 2019. This can be emotional, physical, mental, or sexual abuse. [11] X Research source
Those suffering from addiction Individuals with mental health disorders People with chronic illness[12] X Research source
You may also not want to discuss these difficulties with the remaining parent so as to not upset them. This leads to the repression of emotions and can lead to codependency.
Education about the condition and how it affects you and your relationships[14] X Research source Experiential group therapy, which uses movements, actions, and activities to work through your condition with therapy activities such as equine therapy, music therapy, and expressive arts therapy[15] X Research source Individual and group talk therapy, which focuses on discussing and talking through your issues and experiences
Since codependent people spend their lives thinking about others, you may not understand how to determine your own needs, wants, goals, and desires. The mental health professional can help you to discover these things. [16] X Research source You may also learn how to perform self-care techniques in order to focus on your own well-being. These include reducing your stress, getting enough sleep, and eating well. [17] X Research source
Lovingly detach yourself from others Release your control of others needs and well-being Recognize your internal criticisms and personal need for perfection Accept yourself and any uncomfortable emotions Become assertive about your personal needs and values[19] X Research source
You can search for group meetings on the Co-Dependents Anonymous website. Meetings for Al-Anon, an organization specifically targeted to codependent individuals who have dealt with alcoholic family relationships, can be found on their website.
