“What is my purpose for asking them about their sexual behavior?” “Am I concerned about them?” “Am I trying to educate them?
You can write down what you want to say ahead of time and read through it, practice in front of a mirror, or role play with another parent or friend. Consider working in a bit of humor to face the awkwardness head-on: “I’m sure you’ll be as excited about this as I am, but it’s time for us to talk about S-E-X. “[1] X Research source
For example, you might skip the speeches and jokes and simply ask your son, “Tez, have you started having sex?”
For example, you might say, “Are any of your friends having sex? What’s their opinion about sex?” If the conversation is going well, you may want to ask for their opinions about sex, share some of your own views and experiences, and then ask about their personal sexual activity.
Try if at all possible not to violate your teen’s trust by asking this third person to “spill the beans” on the discussion without your teen’s knowledge. Be clear from the start that what they discuss will be shared. Or, better yet, engage in the conversation all together.
For example, if your teen tells you that they are having sex, don’t get angry. Stay calm and let them know you accept their answer even if you don’t like it. Or, if they say they don’t want to talk about it, avoid getting angry. Instead, revisit the talk at another time. Even if your teen does not give you an answer, be willing to accept that. Depending on your relationship with them, they might not feel comfortable talking with you about this subject.
For example, if you find a used condom wrapper, pack of birth control pills, or pregnancy test among your teen’s dirty clothes and clutter, it’s most likely a sign that they’re having sex.
You don’t have to become an internet troll or break into their electronic devices, but you should regularly review what they’re posting to see if anything is inappropriate or gives you a hint about their sexual activity. You should also be on the lookout for sexts (sexual texts) to and from your teen. These may include sexual text messages with or without images included.
Keep an eye out for indications of unusually obsessive or aggressive behaviors related to sex, or signs that sex is viewed as a means of validation or building self-esteem. These could point to a more significant mental health issue that should be medically addressed. [6] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source Be aware that how your teen dresses may also indicate that they are thinking about sex. For example, if your teen dresses provocatively, then they may be considering sex. (However, this is not a surefire sign. )
Talk about everyday things like social issues, their day, their friends, and anything else that they’ll discuss. You should also talk about serious issues such as drugs, alcohol, and sex on a regular basis so that you’re both comfortable talking about it.
For example, if most of your teen daughter’s friends seem very into dating, romance, and intimacy, it’s likely your daughter is also. Encourage your teenager to invite their friends over. You don’t have to stay in the room with them the whole time, but just them being there can give you a sense of them.
Ask your teen what their interests and hobbies are if you don’t already know. Attend recitals, practices, games, etc. as much as you can.
