If you’ve been good friends for a long time, meet in-person. See if you can meet at a place where you can have some privacy. Give them a heads up that you want to meet to talk about something important, so that they’ll set aside enough time for you. If you’ve been friends for a short time, or you usually communicate online or on the phone, send them an email or call them.
If you have a new friend who is spending time with someone you don’t like, you can say, “I enjoy spending time with you, but not Becky. I know you are very close with her, but I can’t be around her. I think for now it might be better if you and I didn’t try to take our friendship further. " If you just met a friend who has a different lifestyle than you, you can say, “You know, I’m really flattered that you’d like to be my friend, but I’m just not into parties and I need to focus on school. The other friends you have seem to be into that, and that’s okay, but I think it would be too tempting to me to party too much. I don’t want that right now. ” If you have a good friend who has difficulty accepting your religion, you can say, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I’ve been feeling insulted by you, your other friends, and your parents about my commitment to my faith. I just do not want to be around it. "
Do not be excessively flattering or generous. If you try to sweeten things with dishonest compliments, flattery, presents, or snacks, you might send them mixed messages. Avoid giving them false hope that the friendship could continue. You can say, “I appreciate all the experiences we’ve shared during our summers together. I like that you’re always trying to make sure everyone has fun. "
For example, if you have a good friend who has started to get involved in questionable activities, you can say, “I’ve noticed you’re spending time with people who smoke and drink more. Your friendship has meant a lot to me, but I am not comfortable around those things. That’s not how I want to have fun. ”
Stay true to your feelings. Don’t let them change your mind. If they don’t want to listen or try to convince you to stay friends, be firm. Keep repeating a phrase like “This isn’t working out. ”
“I know you must be feeling hurt right now. ” “I’m sorry if I have hurt you. ” “I bet you’re feeling really shocked right now. ”
“I’m so glad I got to know you. ” “I appreciate all the good times we shared together. ” “I wish you happiness and joy in your other friendships. ”
Spend less time together or break off all contact. Unfollow or hide each other on social media. Avoid sitting next to each other in class or at work. Keep other supportive people around. Keep things light. Shift how much you rely on them or confide in them.
It’s perfectly possible to end a friendship with someone without saying something bad about them after. [11] X Expert Source Jessica George, MA, CHtCertified Professional Master Life Coach Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
Talking to other friends and loved ones Spending time at home with things that comfort you, like your pet or a favorite TV show Getting outside and exercising Journaling
Look at your own behavior, not just theirs. Learn what limits you need to set with friends in the future. Avoid friends who ask too much of you or always expect you to listen to their problems. [13] X Research source
If you’re in school or work together, you could walk the other way whenever you see them. If you have to be around them, avoid talking to them for too long. Focus your conversation and attention on others. Keep in mind that if you were close friends, this type of avoidance may be confusing to the other person and cause conflict. [16] X Research source You don’t have to avoid them completely, either. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging their presence and then finding a polite way to leave the conversation. [17] X Expert Source Jessica George, MA, CHtCertified Professional Master Life Coach Expert Interview. 11 February 2022. You can also get busy with other people without focusing on your ex-friend. That way, you won’t be giving your power to the other person. [18] X Expert Source Jessica George, MA, CHtCertified Professional Master Life Coach Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.
If you’re hesitant to immediately stop responding to all of their texts or calls, you can gradually stop responding to them. [19] X Research source Especially avoid responding to text messages or calls that occur late at night or ones that try to pull you into drama. Responding to them with help will send them a mixed message that you’re available to them as a friend. If you haven’t already given them your phone number, make sure you don’t at this point.
Give excuses. Anytime they invite you out, tell them you have a doctor’s appointment, plans with your family or another friend, or that you’re not feeling well. They’ll likely get the hint and stop inviting you to things. [20] X Research source If they express concern or surprise at you not wanting to spend time with them, you may need to address it directly. You can say, “I know I’ve been fading out, but I just don’t have the time or energy to connect with you as often anymore. I’m sorry. ”[21] X Research source
