If you want to get back together, say so. If you just want this person to know that you love them, then make that clear. If you have a vision for what you want to happen next, then explain it.
If you need to apologize for something, then make your apology and let it stand. You should not have to grovel in order to get this person back.
Do not take this person’s advice without considering the situation for yourself! It can help to confide your feelings in a friend who personally knows the object of your love. Be careful, though: you don’t want to tell someone who will gossip and spread the word!
Ultimately, you will need to forgive yourself and your partner. Avoid conditional forgiveness. Let go. Look at what you want, but also what the relationship needs. If the case is conditional, such as, “I love you, but I want you to stop drinking,” then you may need a third-party counselor, friend, or relative to help you and your partner. Ultimately it is up to your partner to choose to change themselves. You cannot change them directly.
Be aware of the impact that your words will have. You might stir up old feelings, and you might destabilize the new life that this person is trying to build. Ask yourself whether you intend to follow through on your words. Consider that it is sometimes best to “let sleeping dogs lie. " If it has been a while since your relationship with this person ended, then it may not be appropriate to confess your love. This might be especially true if he/she is in the middle of building a relationship with someone else.
Determine whether distance is the cause. The uncertainty can lead you to paranoia about what the other partner is doing, or with whom they spend time. If you will be separated for months at a time, then you may need to make a plan to keep the relationship alive. Consider taking a break, or opening up the relationship, or moving to wherever your partner is. You may find that you disagree on certain matters that feel central to your partnership: religious, political, familial, or lifestyle choices. Perhaps your partner wants children, but you do not; perhaps the two of you have begun to fight about which candidate to support in the upcoming election. Consider whether these things are more important than the love you have for this person.
Avoid saying this over text or instant message. Try to say it as thoughtfully and intentionally as possible. If there is a medium that the two of you always used to communicate, then consider using that medium. If the person doesn’t want to see you, then you need to respect that. Do not show up at his/her home or workplace. Do not follow this person, or arrange for someone else to follow him/her.
Be prepared to respect this person’s decision. Whether or not they love you back or want you back, you need to allow them the right to say so. If you do not respect a person, then perhaps you do not love them.
