Do you feel insecure or unattractive? Is there something missing in your relationship? Have you wanted to cheat for a while? Are you happy with your sex life? Do you truly want to stay in this relationship? Why?
If your cheating involved unprotected sex, telling your boyfriend what happened is important for his health. If you worry that your boyfriend may become violent or put you in danger if you tell him you cheated, don’t tell him you cheated. Find a way to leave the relationship, and remember that your safety matters. Remember—cheating doesn’t always have to signify the end of a relationship. It can also represent a really beautiful beginning![4] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
If he says, “How could you do this to me?” respond, “I’ve asked myself the same question, and I don’t have a good answer. I know you’re hurt, and I’m really sorry. Take as much time as you need to process this. ” If he says, “Would you have done this if you hadn’t been drunk?” respond, “I don’t think I would have. I genuinely believe in our relationship, and I wouldn’t have cheated if I was thinking straight. ” If he says, “How can I ever trust you?” respond, “I don’t expect you to trust me. I know that if we can rebuild trust, it will take a lot of work on my end to show you that I’m committed to you. ” If you suspect your boyfriend might get too angry or violent, prepare an escape option. This might mean asking a friend to be ready to pick you up if the conversation goes poorly.
“I want you to know that I care about and love you. I have something really difficult to talk to you about. ” “I’ve been thinking about something a lot, and decided that talking to you about it is important for our relationship. ” “It’s really tough for me to talk about, but I made a terrible mistake, and want to be honest with you about it.
“Last week, I got too drunk at a bar, and slept with someone else. I know I’ve really hurt you, and I am so sorry. ” “When I was drinking last night, I kissed someone else. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that this happened. ” “When I got drunk, I sent another guy flirty messages. I know this was a betrayal, and I need to apologize to you. ”
“I know you must feel hurt and betrayed. If our positions were switched, I’d feel the same way. ” “I feel so ashamed that I did this to you. I know I really hurt you. ” “I know that you care about me, and I care about you too. That’s how I know that this must be so painful for you to hear. ”
“I know I need to make serious changes to rebuild our trust. In the future, I won’t drink without you being present. ” “I realize that we might need new ground rules to work things out. If you ever prefer that I not go out, I’m happy to stay in with you. ” “I’ve already blocked the other guy’s number on my phone, and to rebuild our trust, it’s important to me that you feel comfortable checking my messages whenever you want to. ”
“I know this conversation is painful, but I want to rebuild trust with you by being honest. Would you like to know everything that happened?” “If you’re comfortable with it, I’d like to be totally honest with you about what happened last night. Can I show you the messages that I sent?” “I don’t want you to have any doubts about what happened last week. I want to tell you all of the details, and if you have any questions, please ask them. ”
“I know that this is a crisis for our relationship. If you’d be willing to go, I’d really appreciate the chance to schedule a session with a couple’s therapist. ” “This relationship is really important to me, and I’d do whatever I can to make it work. Can we talk to a professional to sort out our feelings?” “I know that you’re busy with other things, but if you’re willing to rebuild our relationship, I think couple’s therapy could really help. I know a lot of other people have benefited from it. ” Couple’s counseling provides both you and your BF with a safe place to explore everything that is going on. [13] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
If your relationship ends, try spending time with your friends and family. They’re there to support you, so remember that you have other meaningful relationships in your life.
This episode of cheating could be a sign that alcohol has started to damage your personal life, and talking to a therapist can also help you manage your relationship with drinking. [15] X Research source
