Once you have gotten over the initial shock, ask yourself some questions. For example, “How do I feel about this pregnancy?” You can also say, “How will this change my life? How will it change my boyfriend’s life?” Think about what kind of reaction you expect. You will naturally want your boyfriend to be supportive, but do you also want him to be excited about having a child?
If this pregnancy was unplanned, you might be somewhat nervous to tell your boyfriend. That is normal and understandable. Spend some time thinking about your goals for the conversation. For example, are you only looking for emotional support? Or are you also seeking financial support? Once you’ve clarified your goals, spend some time planning the conversation. This is important, so it’s a good idea to jot down some notes to have with you. This will help you to remember what you want to say. Take some time to practice. For example, look in the mirror and say, “John, I am pregnant. I know this is a surprise, but I’m very happy about the news. " Rehearsing what you want to say can help you feel more calm and confident. It can also help you sort out your own feelings.
Schedule a time to talk to your boyfriend. You can say, “Andrew, I have something important to discuss with you. When is a good time for you in the next few days?” Whether this is good news or bad news, you want to give your boyfriend time to process the information. Don’t bring it up as he’s heading to work or school. Choose a time when you are both clear headed. Don’t bring it up when you are both exhausted or getting ready for bed.
For example, if you are planning a cute and creative way to tell your boyfriend, make sure that it is clear that you are excited. Maybe you want to plan a themed dinner to reveal your big news. Don’t just keep dropping hints–tell him what you want him to know. If you are telling your boyfriend about an unexpected pregnancy, you will want to explicitly tell him about your feelings. You could say, “John, I found out that I am pregnant. I’m scared and not sure how to handle this. "
Even if you’ve been trying to get pregnant, knowing that he will be a father can come as a big surprise. Don’t get upset if his initial reaction is one of shock. Give him some time to process. If he says he needs a little time to clear his head, suggest that he take a walk around the block. Understand that everyone processes information differently. Let him know that his emotions are valid.
Listen to his reasons. Ask your boyfriend specific questions such as “Do you not ever want kids, or just not now?” Try to determine the cause of his reaction. You can say, “Are you worried that we can’t afford a baby?” Once you understand the issue, you can work together to make a plan. If your boyfriend just does not want a baby and you do, you need to express your feelings. You can say something like, “I understand your feelings. But I want this baby and the choice is ultimately mine. Please know that the door is open to continue this conversation. " Remember that your hormones can cause you to be very emotional when you are pregnant. Make sure to give yourself the time and space you need to deal with your feelings. If you do not initially get the reaction that you want, you will likely be frustrated. Try saying, “I understand that you’re surprised, and I am emotional. Can we take some time to think and try talking about this again?”
After the initial conversation, consider having a time-out. You don’t need to plan the rest of your lives immediately. Try saying, “This is a lot for both of us to handle. Maybe we could talk again tomorrow about what we want to do. " Relax for a while. Watch a funny movie or take a nap. You’re going through a very emotional time, and it is ok to take a break.
Have a conversation with your boyfriend about what questions you both have. Be honest and open about any concerns or expectations you have. Maybe you have no idea what pregnancy really entails. Visit some reputable websites and gather some books from your local library. Find out what health care options are available in your area. Look into different clinics and medical providers. Ask friends or family if they can offer any recommendations.
Think about what parenting will mean for you and your boyfriend. Do you have the emotional and financial resources to raise a child? Is this something that you want to do? Adoption is another option. If you are not ready to become parents, you can give the baby up for adoption at the end of your pregnancy. Your third option is abortion. Termination is a choice that many women make. Although it is ultimately your decision, you might find it useful to discuss all of your choices with your boyfriend. Places such as Planned Parenthood offer a lot of resources to help you make an informed choice.
This is a great time to decide if you are ready to make a long-term commitment. If you decide to have the baby, you should talk about how involved each of you will be in raising the child. Maybe you have realized that this relationship is not what you want. Let your boyfriend know that you would still like to have his emotional support. Take some time to think about logistics. Who will pay for medical procedures? Will your boyfriend go with you to doctor’s appointments? These are all important things to consider.
Ask your boyfriend to go with you to the appointment. If you want him to be involved in the decision making process, allow him to participate in the conversation. Prepare for your appointment. Make a list of questions to take with you. Your questions can include things such as “Do I need to take prenatal vitamins?” and “How long do I have before I need to make a final decision?” Talk to your boyfriend after the appointment. Take some time to discuss how you each feel about the information you learned.
In addition to your boyfriend, choose some other people to tell about your pregnancy. Maybe you trust your mom to help you figure out your next steps. It is up to you to decide who you tell about your pregnancy and when. Don’t feel that you have to share the news before you are ready. Your doctor can be part of your support system. She can give you a lot of information and help you make healthy choices. You can also join online support groups. There are many pregnancy support groups available. [13] X Research source
Allow your body to get the sleep it needs. If you find yourself needing a nap in the late afternoon, that’s ok. Go to bed earlier if you need to. Your body needs more sleep when you are pregnant.
Your local Planned Parenthood clinic can provide you with a counselor. With this person you can be open and honest. If you want your boyfriend to be involved in this part of the process, invite him to go to sessions with you. The two of you might learn some great communication skills.
Keep a journal. Writing your thoughts down on paper is an excellent way to keep track of your feelings. [17] X Research source A journal can help you track patterns in your emotions. It can also help you figure out goals for the future and how to meet your emotional needs. Try doing yoga. Stretching and going through poses is great for your mind and body.
