If you are having trouble figuring out how you identify, that’s okay. Try going to a helpful website like the one for PFLAG. That organization has great resources for members of the LGBT community and their friends and family members. [2] X Research source Consider taking a research-backed quiz, like this one, to help you determine if identifying as gay feels right to you. You could also talk to a gay person that you know and ask if they could share their coming out experience with you.

You could write down an opening statement like, “Mom, I have something important to tell you. I’m gay, and I’m very happy that I can be open and honest with you. ” You can also list some keywords to include, like proud, excited, or nervous. Try writing down how you might respond if the person says something negative. You could try, “I was really hoping for your support. If you’re not able to offer that right now, maybe we could talk again in a few days. "

Of course, it’s fine if you want to tell both parents at once. But if you feel more comfortable with one of them, you can talk to them separately. You could choose to tell a sibling or a kind aunt or uncle first. It’s completely up to you and who you feel most comfortable with.

Another benefit of letters is that you have time to edit and make sure that you’ve said exactly what you want to say. Another option is to talk over the phone if you don’t want to speak in person.

They frequently make homophobic remarks They have openly said hurtful things about gay people They have threatened to not support you if you come out as gay

If your parents support you financially, consider waiting to tell them until you can support yourself.

For example, don’t try to talk to your dad while he’s busy cooking dinner. Instead say, “Dad, I have something I want to talk about. Do you have time to sit down with me after dinner?” Your living room or a cozy, quiet coffee shop might be good places to have this talk.

Try saying, “I want you to know that I’m gay. I’m letting you know because I’m ready to explore dating, and I’m really excited about that. ”

You can say, “I’d really appreciate it if you keep this to yourself. I’ll let you know if and when it’s okay to talk to someone else. ” Another option is, “It’s okay to tell Aunt Melissa, but please keep this between the two of you for now. ”

If your brother asks you if you’re sure you’re gay, you can say something like, “Yes. I’m very comfortable identifying as gay. Do you have questions about exactly what that means?”

You can also print out resources that you’ve found online so that you can give them to them. If there’s an LGBT support center in your town, stop by and pick up some brochures that can be helpful to your family members.

“I really need to know that you love and support me. " This is making me upset. I’m going to take a walk, so please respect my need for space. " “I know you’re upset, but I still love you. "

Threatening to physically harm you Using abusive or hateful language Screaming at you or making you feel unsafe

It’s normal for people to want to take a few days or weeks to work out their feelings. While it might seem hard, give them the space to do so.

Don’t feel the need to do this if your family member was not kind to you. It’s okay to do what’s best for you, even if that means not talking to the person for a while.

You can get support from others even if they don’t know that you’re gay. Just say, “I’m going through some tough stuff. Will you take a walk with me to help me relax?”

Spending time with supportive people Playing with a pet Reading a good book Spending time in nature