Make a list of points you want to make, things you want to say, or ideas you want to address when you talk to your friends.
Figure out if you believe the person you want to tell is supportive. How has this person reacted when you’ve shared things with him or her before? You also should think about whether you want help from the person or if you simply just want them to know. For example, you may want to tell your immediate family, your partner, and your best friends about your anxiety disorder because you spend the most time with them. However, you may also want to tell the person you share your office with about your anxiety disorder in case you face anxiety while at work.
For example, you may decide to be completely honest with your parents, spouse, or best friend. But you may limit how much detail you give your co-worker. Figure out how much you feel comfortable sharing with your friends. You should also consider why they need to know certain details. Some people may not need to know about medication or some of the ways anxiety keeps you from certain activities.
For example, you may want to put together a list of websites for them to look at that explain anxiety disorders. You may want to include some first-hand accounts from people who live with anxiety disorder. If you are working with a counselor, then your counselor may have resources that you can share with your friends, such as pamphlets or a list of websites. Ask your counselor if he or she would be willing to share some of these resources with you.
Be as specific as possible about what you need from your friends. This helps them know what you expect from them so there is no miscommunication, which can cause more anxiety for you. For example, you may need your spouse or roommate to watch you carefully and alert you to any changes in behavior you might not be aware of. You may need your best friend to call you if you haven’t called in two days. You may need your co-worker to not get offended if you have a mood swing due to an anxiety attack at work.
Your friends come to you with their problems, and you should be able to go to your friends with your problem, even if it is a chronic problem. Think about your situation like this: If you had a medical problem, such as diabetes, cancer, or a broken leg, would you go to your friends? Mental disorders are just as important as physical disorders.
For example, you can tell your friends, “My anxiety feels different than what you feel before a big presentation, before starting a new job, or before you take a test. " You may explain your anxiety to your friends by saying, “The anxiety that I feel is so much worse than what you feel. Imagine the worst anxiety you have ever felt, then multiply that feeling by 10. That’s how I feel sometimes. " If at first, your friends equate your anxiety with the anxiety they feel, this doesn’t mean your friends are not understanding, but people who don’t go through the intense anxiety associated with an anxiety disorder may have a difficult time understanding you. Just remember, you should not feel anxiety if you can’t make your friends understand exactly how you feel. They may never truly understand what you go through, but they may be aware of how it affects you differently.
Restlessness or feeling on edge Fatigue Difficulty concentrating Feeling irritable Having tense muscles Extreme, uncontrollable sense of worry Insomnia or being unable to stay asleep Feelings of intense fear Feeling like you have no control Feeling anxious about being around others or being very self-conscious around others Difficulty talking to others Constantly feeling like others judge you Feeling intense worry when you know you have to attend social events Isolating yourself and avoiding places where people are Difficulty making friends and maintaining friendships Sweating more than normal Feeling shaky or trembling, or feeling nauseous or sick
For example, you may say, “If I have an anxiety attack, don’t panic or call 911. Don’t tell me to calm down. Just be there for me, talk to me, and listen to what I have to say. " Your friends can help you take baby steps to get out and overcome anxiety. They shouldn’t push you to do something that you don’t want to do, but they should encourage you to live life and do things. Your friends shouldn’t panic if you have an anxiety attack. They should remain calm and reassure you as you work through the anxiety. Your friends should refrain from telling you to get over it or calm down or not to worry about it. Your anxiety disorder makes you unable sometimes to do those things. Having friends who tell you that kind of thing makes it worse.
You can say to your friends, “‘There is no cure for my anxiety disorder. There are some medicines I can take if I need to, but I will always need to manage it. There is nothing you can do to cure me. That is okay. I just need you to support me and be understanding. " Instead of trying to cure you, your friends should help support you. This means being patient with you, encouraging you to keep living, and helping you through any anxiety attacks you experience while being with them.
Say to your friends, “Just because I have an anxiety disorder doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with you. Even if I don’t call you for days or weeks, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you. Sometimes, you may have to make the first step to see me. Call me and ask me to go to dinner or if you can come over to watch a movie. " Tell them that though they may be nervous at first, you are still the same person you have always been. There is no reason they should avoid you.
Tell your friends, “I know you care about me and want to know how my anxiety is. You may be curious if I’m having a good day or a bad day. However, sometimes bringing up my anxiety makes it worse. I will talk to you about my anxiety when I need to. Please don’t bring up my anxiety often unless I bring it up first. " If you are thinking about your anxiety, it could trigger an attack. It may also make you anxious because you feel like your anxiety is a focus point and obvious. [9] X Research source Tell your friends that you appreciate their concern and you want them to listen when you talk about your anxiety, but that you want to control when you bring up the anxiety.
Tell your friends, “Sometimes, I may start acting differently all of a sudden. I may get irrationally angry, scared, sad, or stop talking completely. This will have nothing to do with you. When I have an anxiety attack, my moods may change, so please don’t take it personally. Don’t ask if you can help. Just be there for me, don’t get mad at me, and be understanding. " Extreme feelings of anxiety can make you feel angry, sad, or withdrawn. You may act differently with your friends until you have calmed down. Explain to your friends that it has nothing to do with them.
