Take some deep breaths. Count to ten. Think of something you enjoy. All of these can help you stay calm. If he starts tapping you on the shoulder, don’t immediately smack at him. Take a second to think before you act. Keep your voice to a normal talking level rather than yelling. Keep in mind that your brother probably isn’t being disrespectful for the sake of being disrespectful. His disrespect likely indicates that he’s feeling and experiencing some things that he doesn’t understand, like jealousy or insecurity.
Getting angry in this situation also means that you have given your brother power over your emotions which you don’t want to do. Getting angry could show them that you are weaker than he is and especially for younger brothers this might not be the outcome you want. If their goal was to make you angry, you have shown them that whatever they are doing works.
This can also be a good time to put headphones in your ears if they keep talking and you can’t ignore it anymore. Headphones will ideally block the sound of their voice making it easier to ignore them. Maybe your brother is repeating everything you say. Two options that might work are to keep talking as if it doesn’t bother you or stop talking completely. If you keep talking, he might actually get tired of having to repeat you. If you stop talking, he can’t repeat anything you say.
Be clear about how much time you need for yourself, whether that’s one hour, a night, or a full day. Otherwise, your brother might try to follow you and continue the conversation. If he follows you to where you went, you can try once more to go to another spot. If he continues following you, other techniques are called for. Depending on the situation and what your brother is doing, you might be able to go sit in the room your parents are in. You don’t even have to say anything, but it might be enough to make him stop doing what he was doing. Remember—if you express that you need space, you’re also responsible for reconnecting with your brother after that time has passed.
For example, your brother might start tapping his foot and you can hear it across the room. It’s likely that even though it annoyed you, he was doing it without thinking. This can be a time to ask if he is doing it on purpose. You can say, “It’s kind of annoying me that you are doing (fill in the blank). Are you doing on purpose?” If they say no, you can politely ask them to stop. “Would you please stop then because it’s making it hard for me to concentrate. ” Try to approach the conversation from a place of understanding rather than judgment, since he might not even understand his behavior himself.
You can say, “I love you,” tell him he is really cool, or say how much fun you have with him. Tell him he is a great brother. You can also repeat this to him multiple times which could actually annoy him and get him to leave you alone.
Maybe your brother starts making a seal noise and he just won’t stop. He probably knows it’s annoying and he may be doing it on purpose. If you laugh and compliment how accurate his sound is, that may be enough to get him to stop.
You might have a chore that you don’t want to do and you could convince him you can’t do it. Tell him you really need his help to do the thing you can’t do. Or just give him an idea like tell him to go ride his bike or read a book. He may just not have thought of something fun. You could even trick him by saying, “Man, I really wish I could go play with our racetrack right now but I have to finish what I am doing. ” If you are lucky, this will make him want to go do that thing and he’ll leave you alone.
For example, you might have a younger brother who always takes your CDs, books, clothes, or anything else and you can’t get him to stop. Start to consider that the reason he does this is that he likes the stuff you like and wants to be like you. Maybe you can even lend him stuff sometimes so he won’t have to take it. Maybe he clears his throat a lot, and it gets on your nerves. If you try to remember that he is only doing it out of necessity, you might not find it so annoying.
At the end of each day, write down what your brother did that was annoying and throw the paper away. By specifically naming it, making physical evidence of it, and then dropping it in the trash, you may be able to forget about it. Don’t mention the annoying things your brother did two weeks ago. It may give him the idea to do it again or it may just make you mad all over again even if he doesn’t repeat it.
For example, if you know that your brother always annoys you when you are working on homework, set up a rule that he has to leave you alone during homework time, but you will play with him right after you do your homework. Make a deal that you will not go in each other’s room or touch the other’s stuff without asking. If there are specific things that your brother does that annoy you, see if you can convince him not to do that thing around you. You can negotiate by offering to stop a behavior of yours when you are around him.
If you have a brother that talks non-stop, remember that you will encounter people like that your whole life. You can begin practicing methods of listening better or find ways to make them stop talking. Maybe your brother asks you the same question over and over again even when you have already answered him. People often have a hard time hearing or paying attention, so you may have to repeat yourself a lot later in life anyway. Learn to do it patiently even when you are annoyed.
