Reflect on the situation. Friends aren’t perfect, and sometimes they bother or provoke you. It is important that you take a moment to think of how you would want to be treated in any situation. For example, your friend may say something silly or embarrassing. Instead of giggling right away, think about how you would feel if someone laughed at you in that situation.
Show your kindness by sharing something once in awhile. Offer to share your snack or let a friend borrow your T-shirt for the week. Generosity shows that you are willing think of your friend’s needs before your own.
Acknowledge what happened and show concern. Try saying, “I heard about your cat dying. I’m so sorry. ” Offer to help. Ask how your friend is doing and see if you can be helpful. For example, “How are you feeling today? What can I do to help?”[2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Don’t gossip. Don’t make mean comments about a friend, even if you are upset with her. This will only cause more harm than good. Gossiping will only hurt your friend’s feelings and make it look like you don’t care about her.
If your friend asks you to hang out several times, make an effort to agree to see each other. People will stop asking if you never accept invitations. If you want to see a friend, try saying, “Hey, are you free this week? Do you want to hang out after school?”
Go to a concert, cook a meal, or watch a television show that you both enjoy. Fill your time with laughter.
Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. You and your friend can support each other when you try something new together. For example, you and a friend might feel nervous about joining a new club. Try saying, “I’m afraid I won’t be any good at soccer, too. But let’s try it out. At least we’ll be together if things go badly. ”
For example, your friend might get to choose where you go for lunch and you get to choose the movie. Find a compromise that works for both of you. You might say, “Since I chose the movie, why don’t you decide on lunch? I’m open to anything. ” Be aware of your friends’ schedules. Don’t expect them to always work around your availability — remember that they have lives, too. Be willing to make some sacrifices or rearrange some things to accommodate your friends’ schedules, too.
Focus on what your friend is saying and how it makes her feel. Reiterate what was said and add your interpretation if you feel comfortable doing so. For example, you might say, “Your mom yelled at you. It seems like that made you feel really sad. ” Use your body to show you are listening. Look your friend in the eye, turn toward her, and mirror her facial expressions. These are all physical signs that you are truly listening. [3] X Research source
Avoid social media. It is tempting to turn to the internet when you are upset with someone. Remember that your anger will eventually go away, but what you post online is much harder to remove. If you need to get out your frustration over what happened, try writing it in a notebook or journal instead, where no one will see it and you can say whatever you want. Have a conversation. Take time to reflect on what happened. Find a good time to talk to your friend once you have both had some time to think. Make sure that you are free of distractions and feeling calm when you do meet up. [5] X Research source Try saying, “Hey, I’m sorry things are tense between us. I really want work past this. When is a good time for you?” Acknowledge feelings. Acknowledge both your own feelings and your friend’s feelings. Maybe one or both of you felt hurt or offended. This will help you understand why the conflict happened in the first place. For example, you might say, “I felt angry when you brought up my dad because we’ve been having a lot of fights. Now I see how I made you upset when I made fun of your sister. ” [6] X Research source
Avoid social media. It is tempting to turn to the internet when you are upset with someone. Remember that your anger will eventually go away, but what you post online is much harder to remove. If you need to get out your frustration over what happened, try writing it in a notebook or journal instead, where no one will see it and you can say whatever you want. Have a conversation. Take time to reflect on what happened. Find a good time to talk to your friend once you have both had some time to think. Make sure that you are free of distractions and feeling calm when you do meet up. [5] X Research source Try saying, “Hey, I’m sorry things are tense between us. I really want work past this. When is a good time for you?” Acknowledge feelings. Acknowledge both your own feelings and your friend’s feelings. Maybe one or both of you felt hurt or offended. This will help you understand why the conflict happened in the first place. For example, you might say, “I felt angry when you brought up my dad because we’ve been having a lot of fights. Now I see how I made you upset when I made fun of your sister. ” [6] X Research source
Put yourself in your friend’s shoes. Both you and your friend should attempt to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. To do this, you both have to communicate your honest feelings about the situation. [7] X Research source Maybe you were feeling down because of a fight you had with your parents. Maybe your friend is sensitive about his sister’s disability. Try to see the situation from his perspective.
Try saying something positive before and after you decline. For example, “It’s so nice of you to invite me on the hiking trip. Unfortunately, I won’t make it. My allergies are bad and I’m not a huge fan of camping. But let’s plan another trip for next month!” [8] X Research source
Express yourself without adding drama. If a friend posts pictures that make you feel left out, try letting her know without resentment. For example, “Oh man, I wish I had gone to that party. It looked like you guys had so much fun. ” [9] X Research source
Don’t always rely on your friend to invite you places or make plans. Be sure you are also initiating hanging out.
