Dedicate one night per week to do an activity you love. Watch a movie, go for a long walk in the park, or curl up in your favorite chair to read. Do whatever you enjoy doing the most. Set time aside each evening before you go to bed to write down three things you are grateful for. Make it a ritual you really enjoy by turning on your favorite music or making yourself a warm, comforting drink like tea or hot chocolate.
Whenever you question a decision, look at your list and see if it matches your values and overall goal. Remember that everyone’s list will look different and it’s ok that you are different from others. Keep a list of your strengths and accomplishments so you can look at the things you’ve done well in the past. For example, you might write that one of your values is always being honest, that one of your hobbies is scrapbooking, and that a skill you have is being a good listener.
For example, if you make a promise to yourself to go to bed earlier or take short a walk every evening, keep that promise just like you would keep a promise to meet a friend. Sometimes things come up and you will have to break a promise to yourself. For example, if you had promised to read your favorite book one evening, but your friend calls to talk because she just broke up with her boyfriend, you probably would prioritize talking your friend through this difficult time. Recommit to reading your book the next day. Just be sure that you don’t make a habit of always breaking promises to yourself.
If you give yourself some time to feel what you are feeling and think about it, you may find strong emotions fade or turn into something else entirely. For example, if you receive bad results on a test or a negative review at work, you may feel a heaviness in your heart and you may want to speak negatively to yourself. Try to resist the urge to react and just let yourself feel sad. Then, when the feeling fades a little, think constructively about how you can avoid a similar situation in the future.
For example, the next time you make a mistake, instead of telling yourself “You’re so stupid,” remind yourself that “It’s ok. It’s not a big deal,” or “Ok, it was a big mistake but I will learn from it and do better next time. ” Being kind and understanding with yourself when you make a mistake also helps you be kinder towards others when they do the same.
If you say something you regret, apologize. But remember that it is not a failure. The fact that you feel bad and want to make amends is a sign of growth.
Learning from your mistakes will help you deepen your trust in yourself. Even if you make the same mistake twice, or more, look at it as a stepping stone instead of a stumbling block. Be patient with yourself. Reflect on what you can do next time to avoid the mistake.
Allow yourself some time to be emotional about the problem before rationalizing what the next step should be. Try to remain flexible and open-minded in case things don’t go exactly to plan. Once you’ve solved the problem, evaluate the outcome and try to learn from your previous mistakes. You may want to ask friends or family members you trust for advice if needed. Try designing a plan with several options that you can choose from in case something else unexpected comes up. If you forgot about an important exam or work project that is coming up very soon, first focus on how to best prepare for it. Prioritize the subjects you need to study or the tasks that need to be completed. Then, get started as soon as possible and do your best. Afterward, come up with a way to remind yourself to start earlier the next time something comes up. You may want to look at your syllabus and put reminders in your phone 2 weeks before each of the remaining exams or buy a planner so you can write in your projects as soon as they are assigned.
Taking time away can be as simple as getting up and moving around, listening to music, doodling, scribbling, or playing with your cat or dog.
For example, if you really want to learn to play ice hockey, start by going to a roller skating rink with some friends. This is a small risk to take and you will be having fun with your friends while you learn to start trusting yourself on skates in a warm environment. Then, take a bigger risk by signing up for ice skating lessons. Finally, when you feel confident on the ice skates, sign up for a recreational ice hockey league in your area.
The next time you don’t feel like you are good enough to do something, like applying for a challenging job or taking an advanced class, tell someone you trust about your doubts. Often the people in our lives are better able to see your positive traits and inspire you to push your limits and try something new. Seek out people who will encourage and support you. Stay away from people who undermine your self-trust. Think about the people you let into your life and try to keep away those who don’t support you or your dreams. [9] X Research source
