The tone can also be partially determined by the way the deceased passed away. If you’re giving a eulogy about a teenager who met an untimely death, then your tone would be more serious than it would if you were giving a eulogy about a grandparent who happily lived to see his ninetieth birthday.
For example, don’t make any jokes or comments about the deceased that would be a mystery to the majority of the crowd.
Write down the names of the family members especially closed to the deceased. You may forget their names on the big day because you’re overwhelmed by sadness, so it’s advisable to have them on hand. Make sure you say something specific about the family life of the deceased – this would be very important to his family.
If the deceased is remembered for being kind, talk about the time he helped a homeless man get back on his feet. If the deceased is known for being a prankster, mention his famous April Fool’s prank. Pretend that a stranger is listening to your eulogy. Would he get a good sense of the person you’re describing without ever meeting him just from your words?
The average eulogy is about 3-5 minutes long. That should be enough for you to give a meaningful speech about the deceased. Remember that less is more; you don’t want to try the patience of the audience during such a sad occasion.
You can also ask your friends or family members to edit your eulogy. Though it doesn’t need to have perfect grammar since no one else will be reading it, your friends or family members can help you add smoother transitions or remove repetitive phrasing.
Rehearsing the eulogy will also help you learn to control your emotions and not get choked up over the speech. Try memorizing as much of the speech as you can, or even just reading from notes. Though you should have something to fall back on if you forgot what you were going to say, your words will sound more heartfelt if you’re not reading every sentence right off the page.
Tell yourself you’re not there to win a speech-giving contest or to impress anyone. You’re there to convey your heartfelt feelings about the deceased and that’s it.
Remember to sound like yourself, not some formal version of yourself. You can use a conversational tone as long as you don’t use inappropriate language or too much slang that might confuse the older members of the audience.
