He doesn’t want to make it obvious, so he’ll always have some excuse to be there. Really, he needs to sharpen his pencil by your cubicle again? It’s crazy how they just keep breaking! Try this experiment: when he’s standing next to you, move to another area of the room. If he nonchalantly strolls over after a few minutes, there’s a good chance he wants to be near you because he has a secretly likes you.
If you decide to get romantically involved, experts recommend disclosing the relationship sooner rather than later. Otherwise, employees will re-examine interactions like these and feel suspicious about ulterior motives. [2] X Research source Plus, many employers have policies that require you to tell HR (human resources) when you’re in a workplace relationship. Check your company’s handbook for more info. [3] X Research source
However, some people are just naturally observant. Does he notice when other people get a haircut or braces? If so, this is likely just friendly behavior.
One reason he might be hiding his feelings? He might worry that if he asks you out, things could get really awkward, really fast. He may be taking it slow because he loves how you make him feel and doesn’t want to risk losing that. Just behave normally and give him the chance to build his confidence. Confronting him about it too soon may put a strain on your friendship. [8] X Research source
If you’re interested in dating your coworker, tell him, “Chris is nice, but he isn’t really my type. ” Your coworker will probably take the opening to ask about your type…if you describe him, he’ll get the picture! Brush it off if you don’t want to pursue a relationship. Say, “Yeah, right, I need a boyfriend like a fish needs a bicycle. ” Or, tell him, “I’d never get involved with a coworker—too messy!”
Some people are “close talkers” and don’t give others much personal space. Pay attention to additional nonverbal cues (such as widening pupils) to determine whether he’s simply being friendly. Remember that you also communicate with body language. If you aren’t interested in your coworker, express that by crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, and taking a step backward. [12] X Research source
He might not be comfortable telling you how he feels because he thinks he could be rejected. It’s possible that he’s trying to show you he’s talented and worthy of your affection.
If he only likes or comments on recent posts, that’s typical buddy behavior.
On the other hand, it’s wise to consider how a workplace romance might mess up your mojo, especially if you work closely with them every day. If you want to find out if he secretly likes you, ask why he requested to work with you. If he responds with, “Because you’re good at making spreadsheets,” he might only see you as a fellow professional. However, his feelings might run deeper if he replies, “Because you’re fun to be with. ” It’s possible that he’s keeping his feelings private because he thinks a work relationship might complicate his job. His main focus right now might be his career.
It’s possible that he’s just the kind of guy who goes the extra mile. But does he drop everything to assist other coworkers like he does to help you? If yes, he’s simply a nice dude. If no…he’s interested in you. You’ve heard of “relationship red flags;” this is a definite “relationship green flag. ” He’s demonstrating that you can trust him to be there for you during times of need.
A little bit of good-natured teasing is often a sign of attraction. But if your coworker is the sort of person who thinks of goofy nicknames for everyone, don’t read too much into it. As adorable as nicknames are, make sure that your workplace interactions align with the company culture. Trying to change the norms is awkward for everyone. [23] X Research source For example, if you work in a casual kitchen environment, silly nicknames are probably fine. If you’re employed at a bank, nicknames might be viewed as unprofessional.
Determine whether he’s only being friendly by finding out whether he’s showing other coworkers videos of him shredding slopes or if it’s just you.
Some people just aren’t comfortable with making a lot of eye contact. So if your coworker doesn’t hold your gaze, there’s still a chance he might have a crush on you.
It’s possible that he’s keeping his feelings private because he believes you’re out of his league. He may be trying to build up his confidence by altering his appearance.
If his compliments are related to your work performance, he may simply respect you as a coworker. If they’re about your appearance, sense of humor, or personality, it could mean something more. Pay attention to how he interacts with others; is he always telling people they look amazing? Does he throw out compliments like confetti? If so, don’t take his words too seriously.
Some people are naturally “touchy-feely. ” Watch how he interacts with other coworkers to see if he touches them often too. If he does, there probably isn’t a secret meaning behind it. If you like him back, mirror his behavior and casually touch him in the same ways. Not interested? Be aware that blurring the lines with physical contact sends mixed signals. When he touches you, shift away from him or take a step backward. Tell him clearly to stop touching you if it makes you uncomfortable. If the behavior continues, talk to HR about the issue. Explain what’s happening and say, “This is creating a hostile work environment. ”[29] X Trustworthy Source US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission U. S. government agency that enforces civil rights in the workplace Go to source
If you want to further the relationship, ask reciprocal questions about his weekend. If he mentions he went bowling, say, “It’s been ages since I’ve been bowling, I used to love it as a kid!” That gives him an opening to ask you out. [30] X Research source Don’t want to bite? Respond vaguely to keep things at a professional level: “Oh, I just caught up on some errands this weekend. ” Then steer the conversation back to a work-related topic.
Need a bad joke idea? Try this one: Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference! Wait, here’s another: Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged!
Is your coworker a super chatty person? In that case, he might just be making friendly conversation.
If your coworker gave the receptionist a similar box of chocolates on her birthday, he’s just a thoughtful guy. Enjoy the chocolates, but don’t assume the gift means he’s sweet on you. [33] X Research source
If you don’t want your coworker to think you like him, respond to the invite by saying something like, “Sure, is it okay if I invite Mandy along?”
Check with your other friends at work to see if he messages them as well. Some people just spend a lot of time texting.
If hanging out—just as friends—sounds fun, it’s smart to offer some clarity upfront. Say, “I’d love to hang out with my work bestie this weekend, what time do you want to meet?” This is a gentle way of letting him know where he stands. To keep things squarely in the friend zone, insist on splitting the tab when you hang out rather than letting him pick up the check.
