If she’s perfectly happy with her body, you telling her she has a problem implies that your opinion about her body matters more than how she feels—which is unreasonable. If she’s not happy about the weight gain, you can definitely have a productive conversation about her weight. But just coming right out and saying, “You’re fat,” is going to make her feel even worse about it. You want to be loving and supportive, not cruel. You can tell how she feels about herself by paying attention to how she talks about her body. If she looks for reassurance, she asks you if clothing makes her look fat, or she complains about how she looks, she’s not happy about her weight.

By modelling healthy behavior and encouraging the two of you to do things that will lead to weight loss, you’ll help her lose weight without telling her she needs to lose weight in the first place.

Avoid the pronoun “you” as much as possible if you choose to be upfront. Include yourself whenever possible to soften the blow. Use phrases like “we’ve put on some weight” or “aren’t as healthy as we could be” instead of “you’re fat” or “you’re overweight. ” Women get so many negative messages about their bodies from media, advertising, music, and movies. Do not add to that negativity.

Think about it this way. Would you do better in a class where you were working towards learning as much as possible, or a class where you were scared for your life that you were going to get a bad grade? Positivity wins out every time, so focus on physical wellbeing.

For example, instead of saying, “You’re overweight,” you might say “We’re not as healthy as we used to be,” or, “I think we could eat better. ”

“Hey, I know you’ve been thinking about losing weight lately. I know we’ve both gained some weight the past year, and I think changing our diet to get to a healthier place is a great idea. ” “I don’t think you’re overweight. I do think we could probably be healthier, though. Let’s make some changes together! It’ll be fun!” “I know you’ve been worried lately about your weight. I don’t think you’re overweight, but I get it if you want to be healthier. I’ve been thinking about changing my diet, too. Do you want to make some changes with me?”

“You know I still think you’re beautiful, right? This is really just about getting healthier. I want us to feel our best and be safe. ” “I love you so much, I’d be lost if anything ever happened to you. That’s why I just want us to be healthy. ”

“Maybe I’m giving you the wrong impression. I don’t think you’ve got a ‘problem’ or anything. I just think we could exercise more often. ” “Ugh, I’m sorry. Hold on. I’m really doing a bad job of saying what I mean, I apologize. Look—I’m kind of nuts when it comes to being healthy. I just want the best for us. This is for me, not you. ” “Of course I’m still attracted to you! I’ve just noticed that we’ve both been really tired lately. I think if we eat a healthier diet and work out more often we’ll have more energy. ”

Include healthy things in the diet that she enjoys eating. If she has gained weight due to stress, try meditation and other ways to reduce stress. Keep in mind, this will take time. You should only aim to lose 1–2 pounds (0. 45–0. 91 kg) a week, so don’t get discouraged and keep her motivated with a positive and upbeat attitude. If she’s not into the idea of losing weight, drop it. You can’t make this decision for her and you’re only going to harm your relationship if you keep pressuring to do something she isn’t ready for.

You might say, “I feel like I’ve been gaining weight over the past few months and I want to make some changes. I don’t know if I have the willpower to do it alone, though. Do you want to start working out with me? I could really use the support. ” If you’re already rail-thin, don’t do this. She’s either going to see right through your charade or think that you’ve got an eating disorder.

You could start playing tennis, buy some bikes and go on regular rides, or start gardening together. The CDC recommends getting 150 minutes of exercise a week, which comes down to 30 minutes a day for 5 days a week. [12] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source

Eat a diverse diet full of vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, whole grains, and healthy fats. Limit your consumption of red meat, soda, and processed food. Anything that’s high in saturated fat or added sugars will also be bad for you.

If she has an upcoming doctor’s appointment, just wait for that. She may come back with a newfound desire to lose weight on her own.