Refusal to answer questions. Avoiding someone. Treating someone disrespectfully (rolling their eyes or not giving their full attention). Walking away from someone who’s speaking. Refusing to discuss their behavior.
There’s no simple cause for stonewalling, especially since someone might stonewall for a combination of reasons.
If it’s hard for you to see your partner’s behavior for what it really is, you may want to step back and get some space. You might find that after an hour of reflection, you feel a lot better and you may realize that there are some things you want to talk about with the other person. [3] X Research source
On the other hand, don’t give them the silent treatment. This sends a message that this kind of behavior is acceptable. Just tell them how the silent treatment makes you feel and leave it at that for now.
It might help to agree on a phrase or signal to let your partner know you need to take a break from the conversation. For instance, it could be something short and to the point like, “Feeling overwhelmed. " If you’re the one that’s not ready to talk to them, yet, that’s fine! Just say something like, “I really want to talk about this with you, but I need a bit more space before we can discuss it. "
Stress hormones make your heart rate go up and your blood pressure increase, which can make it really difficult to have an important emotional conversation with someone.
Sometimes, reminding yourself that the other person needs support but that they don’t know how to ask for it can help you interact with more kindness.
If you’re not sure if they’re ready to talk, you could check-in by saying something like, “Are you ready to talk now?”
“I realize you get overwhelmed, but it makes me feel terrible when you just walk out. " “I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, but I feel awful when you won’t talk to me. " “Clearly something’s not right and you won’t tell me. It hurts that you won’t confide in me. "
Instead of saying, “You make me feel terrible when you give me the silent treatment,” try, “I feel awful when you don’t talk to me. It’s alright if you don’t want to explain how you’re feeling right now, but you need to communicate that to me. "
You might close your eyes and think back to a beautiful spot that always makes you feel rested. For example, think back to a time you spent at the beach or remember your favorite place to snuggle up when you were a kid.
Try relaxing the muscles from your head down to your toes. Don’t rush yourself—enjoy the feeling of tension releasing from your body.
If you’re feeling restless and having a hard time not confronting the other person, go for a jog. Physical activity can be a good way to release pent-up emotion and energy.
