In some cases, friends or family members might be asking about your sexuality or gender identity. You don’t have to answer them until you’re ready. You might instead say, “I’m not really worried about dating right now. Are you seeing someone?” Some of your friends might feel ready to come out before you, and that’s okay! You don’t need to come out just because someone else has. Your journey is different from theirs. Coming out isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a lifelong journey as you meet and connect with new people![3] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 February 2021.
You might say, “What did you think of Love, Simon?” “Were you shocked when Cheryl came out as a lesbian on Riverdale?” or “I’m confused about this same sex wedding cake debate. What do you think?” If you’re transgender or nonbinary, you might say, “Have you read about the transgender bathroom laws? What do you think?” or “Have you ever questioned your own gender identity?”
It’s possible that many of your friends will be supportive. However, it’s okay if you just start with a single friend. What’s important is that you feel comfortable with your coming out journey. While you can’t know for sure how people will respond, you can definitely make an informed guess based on what people have said in the past. [6] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 February 2021.
For instance, you might have a friend who’s very vocal about their negative opinions regarding LGBTQ+ issues. It’s probably best not to tell them about your identity. If you’re feeling hurt over losing friends who won’t accept you, remind yourself that true friends love you for who you are. You don’t need negative people in your life, and you will find friends who support you.
Go to LGBTQ+ events or Meetups in your area. Set a goal to meet people and say, “Hi. ” Over time, you’ll make a few new friends.
You might write something like, “Lately, I’ve been dealing with a lot of conflict inside myself, but recently I realized something really important. You’re one of my closest friends, so I want to be my true self around you. I hope that you’ll accept me for who I am. I’m gay, and I’m ready to live my life out and proud. ”
For instance, use an upbeat tone of voice while you’re speaking. Additionally, focus on how you’re sharing your truth rather than thinking of this as a dark secret.
For example, you don’t need to disclose what your chosen label is if you don’t want to. [14] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 February 2021. You don’t need to provide “proof” of your sexuality or gender identity. Similarly, you don’t need to explain how you realized your identity unless you want to do so. What you share is totally up to you.
If something feels wrong, don’t be afraid to change it. If you’re already out to a family member or best friend, ask them to help you practice. For instance, you might tell them what you plan to say and get their feedback.
For instance, you might ask your friends out to dinner or could invite them over to your house.
Make a banner that says “I’m gay!” and stand under it. Hand out cupcakes that say “Your Friend is Bi. ” Give your friends eggs filled with glitter, then ask everyone to break them just before you make your announcement. Sing “I’m Coming Out” on a karaoke machine.
You could text them, “Hey, you’re one of my best friends, so I wanted to tell you something really important about me. I hope that you’ll accept me for who I am and be there for me. I’ve known for awhile that I’m a trans man, and I want to start living my life as my true self. ”
Some of your friends might reach out to you right away. If this happens, listen to what they have to say and answer questions you feel comfortable with. After about 2-3 days, contact friends you haven’t heard from. Say something like, “I wanted to talk to you about the letter I sent you. Have you read it?”
Type something like, “I feel like it’s time for me to be honest with everyone. I’m gay and proud! I hope that everyone reading this can accept me for who I am and will support my coming out!” You could also post a pic of you in your favorite rainbow outfit, holding a sign that says, “Hey! I’m Gay!”
Consider using rainbow decorations to signal to your friends that this is a coming out party. Hang a banner that announces your sexuality or gender identity if that feels right to you. Have a toast to give your coming out speech. Decorate your treats with fun coming out statements, like “Gay AF” or “Who runs my world? Girls!”
For instance, your friend might ask, “How long have you known you were transgender?” You might say, “I realized I was really a guy when I was 3-years-old, but I haven’t felt comfortable talking about it until now. " Similarly, a friend might ask, “Are you sure you’re gay?” You could respond, “Yes, I’m definitely attracted to guys. " Gently refuse to answer questions that are too personal. Let’s say your friend asks about your sex life. You might say, “I’m glad you want to know me better, but that’s not something I feel comfortable sharing. I hope you understand. ”
Some of your friends might immediately reach out to you, and that’s awesome! If your friends go quiet for a few days, give them a little space. After a few days, touch base with them to see if they’re open to talking. You might text them, “Hey! I just wanted to see how you were doing. Wanna chat?”
Take a break from people who are making you feel bad about yourself. If someone says a nasty comment to you, respond with something like, “I’m sorry that you hold that kind of hate in your heart,” “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “It’s not okay for you to say these things to me. ”
Say something like, “I’m telling you this because you’re one of my closest friends. However, I’m not ready for everyone at school to know, so please don’t tell anyone else,” or “I’m planning to come out to different people at different times. Please don’t discuss this with anyone else because I want to tell them in my own time. "
Make a gratitude list to remind yourself of what’s going well. Write down 3-5 things that you’re grateful for every day, then re-read your list when you’re feeling down. Surround yourself with people who support you so you’re not worrying about people who are negative. Don’t forget about online forums! If you’re not feeling supported in real life right now, look for pro-LGBTQ+ friends online. You’re not alone!
For instance, you might think that you’re bisexual at first. However, you might later discover that you’re gay. Similarly, you might think you’re nonbinary but may decide that you’re actually transgender. It’s okay to re-label yourself!
