Exploring gender stereotypes and how they’re changing might help you realize that it’s totally okay to be transgender. There’s nothing wrong with you!
Do I feel comfortable with the gender I was assigned at birth? How do I feel comfortable expressing myself? What gender do I hope people identify me as? How do I picture myself living in the future? What pronouns make me feel comfortable?
Write about your feelings in a journal, poem, or story. Paint or draw what you’re feeling. Make a collage out of old pictures, clippings from magazines, and scrap paper. Create a playlist that expresses your feelings.
A few authors who’ve written about transgender experiences include Jamison Green, Kate Bornstein, Leslie Feinberg, Julia Serano, Mattilda, and Louis Sullivan. You might watch shows like Orange is the New Black, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, or The Fosters, which feature transgender characters.
For example, visit The Trevor Project, the Human Rights Campaign, and GLAAD.
It’s okay to go at your own pace. Coming out can be super scary, so don’t feel like you have to be “out” to celebrate yourself.
For instance, you might decide you want to dress as your true gender. Alternatively, you may just pick clothes you like, regardless of which gender they were made for. There are no rules for how you have to dress or act. It’s okay to adapt how you dress or act as you learn more about yourself. For instance, you might prefer to stick with an androgynous look for the time being, but it’s okay to try gendered clothing if you decide that’s right for you. This also applies to transitioning. You might want to start hormones as soon as you can and may want to someday have gender affirming surgery. However, it’s okay if you choose not to do so.
As an example, you might try out for the school play, the school dance team, or the cheerleading squad if that’s something you enjoy, even if you don’t feel like you fit the “typical” look.
Visit websites for the transgender community to see if you can find a recommendation for a doctor. You might also be able to get connected with a doctor through your local LGBTQ+ group. If your parents are supportive, ask them to help you screen your doctors so you can make sure you find someone who’s supportive and respectful of your needs.
Pay attention to how your friends talk about LGBTQ+ issues to see if they seem supportive. You might say something like, “Is it okay if I text you when I’m feeling down? You seem really supportive of the transgender community, and I think it might help to hear your kind words. ”
You may not meet a lot of transgender people in your community, especially if you live in a small town. However, there are a lot of transgender people in the world, and you’re not alone.
Visit the websites for national organizations that advocate for and support transgender people, such as the National Center for Transgender Equality, The Trevor Project, PFLAG, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), and GLAAD. You might try TrevorSpace by The Trevor Project, which has a forum and connects you with LGBTQ+ friends. Visit The Trevor Project here.
If you live in a small town, you might be able to find a support group in the closest big city. You might try starting a club for LGBTQ+ students if your school doesn’t already have one.
Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist or look for a therapist online. Check their website to see if they list transgender issues in their services offered. Your therapy sessions may be covered by insurance, so check your benefits.
For instance, you might prefer to come out if you feel like you’re living a lie. However, you might decide to stay in the closet if you’re worried about your safety.
You could say something like, “I’ve been struggling with something for a while lately, and I’d like to open up to you about it. I am a transgender person, and I don’t think I can keep living as my wrong gender. I’m ready to be open about my identity, and I hope you’ll be beside me in support. ”
For instance, you might talk to your parents and close friends in person. Say something like, “I want you to know that I’m going to be living as my true gender, which is female. From now on, my name is going to be Hailey, so please call me that. ” You might send an email to your teachers saying something like, “I am coming out as transgender, so I wanted to tell all of you my chosen name. Please call me Dillon from now on. ” You could also post about your name on social media.
You might say, “Since I identify as female, I use she/her pronouns,” “I identify as male, so I prefer he/him pronouns,” or “I’m non-binary, so I use they/them pronouns. ” If someone uses the wrong pronoun on accident, you might simply say, “She” or “He” to remind them. If someone uses the wrong pronoun more than once, you might say, “I’ve told you my pronouns are they/them. Please respect me by using my correct pronouns. ”
People often ask questions like, “When did you realize you’re transgender?” “Does this mean you’re going to date guys now?” or “Are you going to get surgery?” If you don’t want to answer a question, you might say, “That’s something I don’t feel comfortable discussing,” or “That’s very personal. ”
Say something like, “I need to talk to you about something serious. For a while now I’ve known that I’m not really a girl. I’m really a guy, and I’m ready to come out as transgender. You’re one of my closest friends, so I wanted to talk to you first. ”
For instance, you might tell people in groups of 2-4. You could say, “I’m ready to open up to you about something really important to me. I’m transgender, and I’m ready to start living as my true gender. "
You might give a speech to say something like, “Thank you all for coming out tonight to celebrate me. Ironically, I’m coming out tonight as transgender,” or “I appreciate all of you coming to my party. I wanted to gather everyone important to me to share with you all that I’m ready to live in my truth. I’m transgender, and tonight I’m coming out. ”
