It’s really difficult for most people to tell someone about abuse. Resist the urge to ask your friend for details, such as what happened and who did it. Make sure that your friend knows you are there for them and not to satisfy your own curiosity.
You can say, “I understand that you’re feeling lots of emotions, but remember that none of this is your fault. ”
Try something like, “I know this is scary, but I’m right here with you, and I will make sure you are safe. ”
Try to avoid saying things like, “It’s okay, it happens to lots of people. ” Don’t say, “Now that it’s over you can just put it out of your mind. ” Say something encouraging like, “This will be difficult, but I believe in you. You’re a survivor and while it may take a while, you can make it. "
For example, do not push them to contact the authorities if they are not ready for that. You should also let them decide who else they want to tell and when. If your friend is still indecisive, then you can help them by narrowing their choices while still empowering them to choose. Try asking questions like, “Would you like to __ or __?”
Try saying, “I can see that I really upset you. I’m so sorry. I won’t say that again. " You can also affirm your friend’s experience. For example, if you accidentally implied that the perpetrator misread your friend’s signals, say, “I’m sorry I said he might have misread your signals. It was his responsibility to ask you if he was confused. You didn’t do anything wrong. " Make sure to be firm in your support of your friend and reiterate that it was not their fault. You may even have to speak in a strong voice and say something like, “It is NEVER okay to hurt someone like that!”
You can help your friend by being there to support them. You can offer encouraging statements and remind them that they are not alone. Remember that many victims feel uncomfortable contacting the authorities. That’s okay. Don’t pressure them. You may even want to look up the laws for reporting sexual assault in your state or country because in some places you can still report a crime years later. Letting your friend know that they can still report it later if they choose to may help to reassure them.
It might reassure your friend to have you there while the exam is conducted. Just remember to let them make their own decisions. Keep in mind that DNA evidence from a sexual assault is only good if it is collected within 72 hours of the assault. Find a hospital with a forensic nurse (also known as a SANE nurse) who can collect this evidence, which can be used in court if needed. However, make sure your friend knows that whether or not to use the evidence is up to them.
RAINN is the largest anti-sexual assault network in the U. S. Your friend can call the helpline 24/7 at 1-800-656-HOPE or live chat through the website. [9] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source Most states in the U. S. have statewide hotlines. For example, in Iowa, you could contact the Iowa Sexual Abuse Hotline at 1-800-284-7821. [10] X Research source
Try saying, “It might help to talk to a professional. Would you like me to contact the student health center and see what counseling services they provide?” If they say yes, you can find some options to give them. If they say no, leave it at that. Many communities also have rape crisis centers that offer free counseling to survivors. Check to see if there is one in your community. If not, try to help your friend find a therapist who is experienced with sexual assault survivors.
Avoid saying things like, “Aren’t you feeling better yet?” or “Wow, you’re still not over that?”
Keep asking your friend to do things. Don’t assume that your friend no longer wants to do anything fun. Keep inviting them to do things like take a walk or go to a movie.
For example, you might encourage your friend to get a cupcake from their favorite bakery. Self-care can also mean making sure to eat healthy foods and get exercise. Encourage your friend to take good care of themselves.
Bowling, golfing, or to an exercise class with a group of friends. Out to a restaurant for a meal or for coffee. Hiking or biking. To see a movie.
