This process serves a biological purpose (preparing you for fight or flight), but if you have an anger problem, your threshold for what triggers this physiological response may be too low (for example, if you get angry at a coworker for playing music too loudly).
If you commonly substitute anger for other emotions that you find more difficult to deal with, consider seeing a therapist to learn how to handle and accept those emotions.
Some people are taught that it is impolite to feel or express anger. But suppressing natural feelings of anger can have negative effects on your emotions and your relationships with others. If you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings, be polite about your anger. Simply saying ‘I am angry’ will do far more than keeping it bottled up.
Insignificant occurrences make you very angry, such as spilled milk and accidentally dropping an object. When you’re angry, you display aggressive behaviors, including yelling, screaming, or hitting. The problem is chronic; it happens over and over again. You have an addiction, and when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, your temper gets worse and your behavior more violent.
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If you have chronic sleep problems, consult your physician. You may be able to make dietary or lifestyle changes to improve your sleep. You may also be able to try herbal or medicinal supplements to sleep more.
A sample journal entry may look like this: Today, I became very angry at a coworker. He called me selfish for not offering to pick up lunch for everyone. We were in the lounge area, and I was taking a break from a stressful day by eating a cheeseburger from the restaurant next door. I got really angry and yelled back at him, called him a name and stormed off. I punched the desk when I got back to my office. Then I felt guilty and ashamed and hid in my office the rest of the day. Over time, you may evaluate your journal and find that being called a name (such as selfish) is a trigger for your anger.
For example, you may know that you are going to visit your mother-in-law, who makes disparaging remarks about your parenting style. You could decide ahead of time, “if she makes a comment about my parenting, I will calmly tell her that I appreciate her input, but I am going to make decisions about the way that I parent regardless of how she feels about those opinions. ” You may also decide that you will leave the room or even pack up and go home if you feel that your anger is growing.
This approach differs from passive expression, which involves being angry without saying anything, and aggressive expression, which generally manifests as an explosion or outburst that generally seems disproportionate to the problem. [9] X Research source For example, if you are angered by a coworker playing music loudly every day while you are trying to work, you could say, “I understand that you enjoy listening to music while you are working, but the music makes it difficult for me to focus on my work. I would like to request that you use headphones instead of playing the music aloud so that it is not a distraction to your coworkers and so that we can all have a pleasant work environment. ”
To find an anger management program that is right for you, try searching online for “anger management class” plus the name of your city, state, or region. You can also include search terms like “for teens” or “for PTSD” to find a group tailored to your specific situation. You can also look for appropriate programs by asking your physician or therapist, or consulting the self-improvement course offerings at your local community center.
You can search for a therapist specializing in anger management in North America here and in the United Kingdom here.
Remember that you do not have to respond to a situation immediately. You can count to 10 or even say “I will think about it and get back to you” to give yourself additional time to cool down as necessary. [12] X Research source If you’re angry at work, go to a room or step outside for a moment. If you’re driving to work, consider sitting in your car so that you’re in a space you own. If you’re upset at home, go to a single-occupancy space (such as the bathroom) or for a walk or go for a walk with someone you trust or that can help you.
To allow yourself to experience your anger, think about locating it in your body. Do you feel anger in your stomach? In your clenched fists? Find your anger, let it be, then let it go.
Count to three as you inhale, hold the breath in your lungs for three more seconds, and count to three again as you exhale. Focus only on the numbers as you do this. Be sure that each breath in fully fills your lungs, causing your chest and belly to expand. Exhale fully each time, and pause between the exhale and the next inhale. Keep breathing until you feel that you have regained control.
For example, if you experience road rage, you could try turning from “That idiot almost killed me! I want to kill him too!” to “That guy almost sideswiped me, but maybe he was experiencing an emergency and I’ll probably never have to see him again. I feel lucky that I’m alive and my car is unscratched. I’m fortunate that I can still drive, and I can continue to be calm and focused when I get back on the road. "
Set a time limit. Give yourself a set amount of time to vent about what’s upsetting you, and stick to it - when time is up, your rant is over. This will help you move on instead of dwelling on the situation endlessly.
For example, if someone runs you off the road in your car, you might think about how silly it is that they might get where they are going 15 seconds faster by not yielding to you. You can have a good chuckle about how their priorities are out of order and move on with your life.
