Tears are common when something tragic happens, like the death of a schoolmate. Let it out and cry. You’ll probably feel better afterwards. You may experience some or all of these emotions as you work through the grieving process.
Consider seeing a professional counselor or grief counselor. They can help you work through confusing and distressing emotions. Talking about the event and your feelings helps you heal and work through your grief. For example, say, “I am feeling very sad because John died” or “I’m scared about my own death because John died. " You can also say, “I am confused about how I feel because my classmate died. "
It’s natural to feel scared and think about your own eventual death when someone dies. Talk about these feelings with your parents or teachers. If you feel obsessed about your own death or become scared you are going to die, talk to an adult. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your parents, then talk to a teacher or school counselor.
If you find comfort in being alone, you can listen to your favorite music, read your favorite book, or watch your favorite movie. You may want to spend time with a pet, or curl up with your pet as you listen to music or watch your favorite show.
When you talk about it, you let more of it out. If the feelings stay inside, you may feel upset or like it’s too much. Talking about it lets you get a little bit out each time, which eventually allows you to move on and heal. For example, say something like, “I am sad about Sally dying” or “I wish I had known Sally better before she died. That makes me sad. "
Get together with other classmates to talk about the deceased schoolmate. You can talk about memories with each other. You can say, “I remember when I played with Jasmine on the playground. We had fun” or “I remember how Jasmine always was the first to answer a question in class. "
This may be difficult at first. If you need to, start out slowly. Instead of trying to return to everything at once, return to one thing at a time as you move on and get back into your normal routine.
This can provide closure for you, help you grieve, and allow you to move on. If you do not want to attend the funeral, then you might try setting up a memorial for your friend in your home. Find some pictures and keepsakes that remind you of your friend and place them on a table. Then, reflect on the good times you had with the person. You might even try talking to a picture of your friend and saying goodbye to him or her.
You might feel anxious or scared of dying. You may not want to get out of bed or go to school, or you might be unable to go to sleep. If you feel depressed, anxious, or otherwise unable to move on, talk to someone. For example, tell someone, “I need some help dealing with this grief” or “I’m not sure how to get over Bob dying. Can you help me?”
For example, tell your child, “I’m here to listen to whatever you have to say. Tell me what you are going through/thinking/feeling. " Don’t interrupt or try to give advice. Instead, be a listener while they talk. If the child has trouble talking about the event, suggest that they draw pictures or write a story about the schoolmate.
Some students may be distracted, their grades may slip, and they may have difficulties concentrating. Be supportive of these emotions and help the child express them in healthy ways. However, watch them to make sure their emotions don’t get out of control. If the child is being overly aggressive, fearful, sad, or withdrawn, talk to them or take them to see a professional. For example, say, “I understand you are hurting/this is scary/this is difficult, but acting out and being aggressive is not a good way to deal with this. Would you please tell me what happened?”
Removing distractions such as by shutting off the TV, putting away your phone, or closing your laptop. Nodding and making neutral statements to show that you are listening. For example, you can say things like “yes,” “go on,” and “uh-huh. ” Asking probing questions to get your child to talk more. For example you might ask things like, “How does this make you feel?” or “Why do you think it is affecting you this way?”
Try teaching your children how to identify and accept their emotions. For example, if your child is feeling angry, then you might help your child to notice that emotion and acknowledge it. Teach your child to say something like, “Right now I am feeling anger because of my classmate’s death. I have a right to feel anger, but I can choose to express it in healthy ways. ”[10] X Research source For a younger child, you might encourage him or her to draw pictures to represent how he or she is feeling. Try asking your child to draw a picture of how he or she feels and then discuss the picture with your child.
Don’t try to make the child or teen move on or get better before they are ready. Instead, let the child grieve at their own pace and work through their grief. One of the most important things you can do is to be patient. Grieving takes time. Some children may grieve and process faster than others. Some may be delayed in their feelings and feel emotion later. Don’t try to force the child to get better faster than they are.
Some details may be omitted depending on the age of the child. For example, if the child died by suicide refrain from sharing that or the details on how they killed themselves. If the child died via murder, do not want to share all that the police found. However, helping them understand and deal with death can help them learn coping strategies for the future. For example, tell your child, “Heather died in car wreck last night” or “Heather died this morning. " Try not to use euphemisms, like “Heather went to a better place” or “Heather passed away. " Don’t beat around the bush by saying things like, “Heather is no longer with us. " Instead, be direct.
Children may want to know about physical changes that happen to a dead body. They may also want to know what happens to a person after they die. Talk about these issues within any religious frameworks that you believe. Help children understand that death is a normal part of life. For example, say, “Death will happen to everyone. It happens at different ages and suddenly. The truth is that we never know when we, or our close ones, will die. " Another thing you can say is, “Though it seems unfair, even young people die. It is not common, but tragedies like car accidents happen. " Help the child cope with death by having them read books about death. Many books have been published that give information about death. They also help put death and grieving into terms children can understand.
Inability sleeping Not eating or overeating Withdrawing from family and friends Severe academic problems or not wanting to go to school Abnormal aggression Apathy Obsession with death
For example, tell the class, “Our school has experienced a tragedy. Jake has died in a car accident. " Don’t go around in circles or try to lessen the impact with metaphors or fluffy language. Be prepared for questions about the event. Make sure the school staff has all the facts straight and is aware of what is going to be shared. Let the parents know when you are going to talk to the classes. They may want to be present with their children.
For example, let the children release balloons, plant trees, collect money for a bench, or make a memory book for the deceased classmate’s family. Organize a school activities that help the community in honor of the deceased schoolmate. Have a bake sale to raise money for charity and donate it in honor of the child.
Tell your students, “If anyone would like to talk in a safe environment where you won’t be judged, feel free to come talk to me. " Be around for the students in case they need to talk. They may not feel safe talking to parents, so provide an open, safe environment for them to talk about their feelings, confusion, and questions. It will also be important to have counselors on hand to talk with parents and students. Depending on the situation, more counselors may need to be brought in to help the students, teachers, and parents to cope with the loss.
