Recent research has found that your brain processes pain from rejection the same way it would process physical pain, such as having a broken arm. [2] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Social rejection can bring on feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, sadness, and jealousy. [3] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Researchers have even found that is painful to be rejected by groups we don’t like![4] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Look for evidence that you’ve been left out. Does the evidence support your feelings? Ask yourself if there may have been another reason someone acted in a way that made you feel left out? Maybe they had something else on their mind, or had to get somewhere in a hurry. Is my perception of this situation based on my emotions or on what actually happened?[7] X Research source Ask an unbiased person if your estimation of the situation is accurate. Assume the best intentions of others until you have evidence otherwise.
If you feel like you’ve been stuck at home while your friends are out having fun, do something to spoil yourself. Take a bubble-bath with your favorite scented candles and a book. Take a long walk or a run while listening to music. Go into town and go shopping, or just browse the shops on your own. Whatever you do, make it all about you and making yourself happy.
To practice deep breathing, take in a slow deep breath as you count to five. Then, hold the breath as you count to five again. Then, slowly exhale as you count to five. Follow this exercise with two normal paced breaths and then repeat the slow deep breath. You might also try yoga, meditation, or tai chi to help yourself feel calm.
“I am a fun and interesting person. ” “I am a good friend. ” “People like me. ” “People enjoy spending time with me. ”
Aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. Eat a balanced diet of healthy whole foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Get 8 hours of sleep per night.
Take time to identify the reason why you feel left out, how it makes you feel, why it makes you feel that way. For example, “I feel left because my friends went to a party without me over the weekend. I feel betrayed and sad because it makes me think that they don’t really like me. ”[12] X Research source Try writing about how you feel in a journal. If you don’t like to write, drawing or playing music to reflect how you feel may also help you to acknowledge your feelings and deal with them.
“I felt really sad when you guys went rollerblading last Saturday and didn’t ask me along too. I know I was tired Friday night but I was up for doing things on Saturday and it wasn’t until X told me you guys were out there that I knew I’d not been asked to come too. I felt pretty left out. Was there any reason why you didn’t think to ask me too?” “I loved the party we went to last week but I felt abandoned when you and X left the conversation. That new guy was not interested in talking to me and when I looked for you two, I couldn’t find you anywhere and I felt really left out because I didn’t know anyone else. Maybe you didn’t realize I wanted to hang out with you and X more than talk to the new guy? Did you realize that I was all alone at the party?”
Be honest with yourself. Have you done things to cause your friends to want to leave you out? For instance, have you been demanding, pushy, or thoughtless about their needs lately? Or perhaps you have overcrowded them a little. This may be the reason they left you out in the first place, to find space and peace. If this is the case, own up to it, apologize, and be determined to make changes.
Smile and greet others Start conversations Ask questions about people and try to get to know them Be a good listener Be kind and thoughtful Show genuine interest in what others have to say
If your busy schedule has interfered with doing things with your friends, ask a friend to run errands with you or join you in something you do every day, such as going to the gym. [15] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Do your best to make plans with your friends, but know when to stop asking. If your friends refuse your suggestions several times, then they might not want to continue the friendship. Don’t keep asking if your friends always say no or often back out at the last minute.
Consider volunteering, joining a club in your area for people who share your interests, and attending local events that interest you. Surrounding yourself with people who share your interests and passions will ensure that the people you meet will have some things in common with you, which can lead to new friendships. [16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
