You may feel denial, shock, anger, guilt, regret, resentment, shame, or confusion. Some days you may feel one emotion more than the others. Some days you will experience a combination of emotions. [2] X Expert Source William Gardner, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 25 July 2019. You will likely wonder what you could have done to prevent this child’s suicide. You may ask why this happened. Keep a journal describing your feelings related to this child’s suicide. You can write words, draw pictures, or scribble to express how you feel. Write a letter to the child or to yourself explaining how you feel about the suicide.
Take a few deep breaths to calm and center yourself. Close your eyes if you need to. Acknowledge how you feel without trying to stop it. Label each emotion and sensation without judgment, as if you were watching a video. [5] X Research source Try saying to yourself, “I am feeling guilty. That is my grief. The guilty feelings will go away…” Let the feelings diminish on their own. Don’t rush yourself to get over them.
Don’t hesitate to say, “Could you pick this up for me?” or “Would you just sit with me right now?” Talk to them about how you are feeling. Tell them when you are having a hard time coping, as well as when things aren’t so bad. Join a support group or online forum so that you can talk to and be around others with similar experiences. They will be able to share what is helping them cope. Involve your spiritual or religious leader. They can help you with everything from your feelings to finding other resources. You may also consider starting a digital memorial for the child, such as a Facebook page. Creating a digital memorial can provide a space for you to put your thoughts into writing and also to connect with other people who are feeling this loss as well. [7] X Research source
If you witnessed the suicide or found the child’s body, your trauma is even more complicated and you should definitely see a professional to help you cope. [8] X Trustworthy Source American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Health organization devoted to saving lives and helping those affected by suicide. Go to source Don’t be afraid to consider medication if you are having severe problems coping with the suicide. Ask your physician or another trusted source for a referral.
You may feel sad, depressed, scared, anxious, angry, or even guilty. You may also have mood swings. You may also have physical symptoms of grief like crying, headaches, an upset stomach, or nightmares. These are also normal reactions to what has happened. Notice how you feel and remind yourself it is part of grief and you will get past it. For instance, say to yourself, “I feel scared right now and my stomach is in knots, but it’s just grief. It will go away. ” Express your feelings in a creative way like writing a song, painting a picture, or writing in your journal.
When you feel this way, tell yourself, “This is not my fault. Nothing that I did or said caused this. I wish it didn’t happen, but it did and I can’t blame myself. ” Write about your feelings of guilt in your journal. If you need to, make a list of the reasons you think it is your fault. Then beside each reason, write a reason why it’s not true. For example, you might write, “I was mean to her” then beside it write, “But I said sorry and was nice all the other times. ”
Talk to a trusted adult like a parent, teacher, or counselor. Explain what is going on and how you are feeling about it. They can offer suggestions and strategies to help you cope with the suicide. You might say, “One of my friends died from suicide. Can I talk to you about it?” Spend time with your friends and family. Even if it is just sitting quietly with someone or taking a walk, being around people will make it easier for you to cope with the suicide. Consider joining a support group for other children and teens that are coping with a suicide. If you are having a really hard time coping, then talk to a professional like a grief counselor or a therapist. Your parents, doctor, or school guidance counselor can help you find someone.
Get enough sleep. Try to stick to a bedtime and waking routine so that you get 6-8 hours of sleep. Not getting enough sleep can make you tired, cranky, and make it harder to cope with the suicide. Have healthy snacks, regular meals, and drink plenty of water to make sure your body is getting all the nutrition it needs. Do some exercise or something active like playing a sport, going for a hike, taking a jog.
Do something special like light a candle, release balloons, or write a card on special days like the person’s birthday or on holidays. Share memories of the person with other friends and family that knew the person. Write a poem or draw a picture in memory of the person to share with other people. Start a fundraiser to raise money for a suicide prevention organization in their name.
Take a small vacation if you need to. Use the time to focus on healing yourself. Gradually resume your normal routine. For example, work ½ day for a day or two. Then slowly return to your normal work schedule.
Eat healthy meals and snacks at regular times. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water, eating fresh fruits and vegetables, and getting other recommended nutrients. Stick to a regular bedtime and waking routine. Make sure you get enough sleep. Try to go to bed and wake-up at generally the same time each day. Do yoga, tai chi, jog, swim, play a sport, or do some other physical activity. Practice meditation as a way to calm yourself and help you heal.
Educate yourself about suicide statistics, warning signs, risk factors, and prevention. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the Centers for Disease Control, and similar agencies and organizations provide excellent resources. [14] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source [15] X Trustworthy Source American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Health organization devoted to saving lives and helping those affected by suicide. Go to source
Things can begin getting difficult for days before the trigger and continue being hard after the trigger. If possible, let friends and family know that this will be a difficult time so that they can be there for you. Remember the child’s life in some meaningful way.
Join organizations and agencies that provide suicide prevention education, training, and resources. Organize schools, community centers, athletic teams, etc. to form suicide prevention task forces. Arrange a Bereaved Parents Month event in July to honor parents of children who have died. [18] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
The term ‘committed suicide’ has been replaced with either ‘died by suicide’, ‘died from suicide’, or ‘died of suicide’ to alleviate some of the stigma associated with this form of death. If someone asks you what happened, you can say, “She died by suicide. ” Don’t feel obligated to give a full detailed explanation of what happened, how, when, or why. You might say, “She hung herself. It is still very painful and I’d rather not get into details right now. I will contact you about the memorial arrangements. ”
Be as honest as you feel comfortable and appropriate, but don’t go into detail. [21] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source You might say, “He shot himself. But we aren’t going into the details of that. I want to talk about how you are feeling about his death. ” Explain that it is not their fault. Try saying, “This was not your fault. There was nothing that you did to cause what happened. There was nothing you could do to stop it from happening. ” Tell them help is available. Try, “You might feel lots of different things about what happened. You can talk to me. You can also talk to someone that knows how to help when something like this happens. ”
Ask beforehand if the funeral home and/or clergy are comfortable with a suicide death. [22] X Trustworthy Source American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Health organization devoted to saving lives and helping those affected by suicide. Go to source Finding out up-front may prevent unnecessary confusion and pain later. Avoid large, public memorials that focus on death. These are often difficult for close friends and family, and may, in fact, glorify the suicide in the eyes of some youth. [23] X Research source Instead, organize an event educating the community on risk factors for suicide to honor the child or ask that donations be given to a suicide prevention organization.
