Don’t hesitate to be physically affectionate with your boyfriend in front of his best friend, but try not to make it obvious, or it’ll seem like you’re trying to rub it in. Hold your boyfriend’s hand, wrap your arm around his arm, or hug him affectionately. Make sure it’s not over the board and is not intended to hurt or make the friend jealous but to merely indicate your choice of a partner.
When he pays you a compliment, simply say, “Thanks,” or a strict “Thank you” and change the topic to your boyfriend - “Have you seen Mateo, by the way?” or “Mateo and I saw this action movie this weekend; it was amazing!”
Don’t forget that you are not being rude, but simply establishing your physical boundaries without confronting him.
Avoid opening up to him about deep, emotional issues you might have, at least until after he gets over you. Instead, stick to small talk and topics that are relevant to him and your boyfriend together.
Distance yourself from the friend and keep your relationship with him cordial but reserved, and over time he might get the clue that he has no shot with you.
Say, “Do you have a minute to talk?”, or bring it up when you two are hanging out, which at this point should not be happening except rarely. You could also bring it up when he makes a flirty move, such as when he compliments you or asks to an activity with you alone.
You can also add, “I might have misinterpreted the situation but I just wanted to make this clear anyways so we are on the same page. ” Use “I” statements and don’t come across as accusatory. [6] X Research source
You can say, “I really value your friendship with Matt and I wouldn’t want any of our relationships to be badly affected. I’d love to hang out all of together, but let’s keep it at that. ”
Remember to keep your distance and be firm if he ever tries to flirt with you next time.
If you haven’t talked to his friend yet, you can share that you’ve been feeling uncomfortable by his friend’s attention and wanted to let him know because you value honesty. If you already had the talk with the best friend, you should tell your boyfriend how it went. Keeping things transparent with your boyfriend will help avoid any future misunderstanding that you might have done things behind his back. Note that if his best friend openly asked you out or told you about his feelings, it is almost never safe to keep this from your boyfriend. He might find out later and feel betrayed that you and his best friend kept something so big from him.
If he gets jealous of his best friend’s interest in you, tell him that it is not your fault and that you made your boundaries clear to the friend (either verbally or through your actions). At this point, he should trust you, and if he doesn’t, it might be an indicator of a bigger problem in your relationship. [10] X Research source
If their friendship ends, know that it is not your fault, but also try not to intentionally contribute to the end of their friendship by talking bad about the friend or ordering your boyfriend to cut his ties. If you do so, he might resent you for it later.
