How big or small of a role with each of your children play in the relationship, and how might that affect you as a couple? What variables should go into making that decision? The age of the children? How big a role you already play in their life and decisions regarding them? What’s the relationship like with the exes for both of you? How might that complicate the relationship?
Be upfront about having kids, but don’t rush to introduce them to the person you’re dating. Wait until you are solidly a part of each other’s lives and see a future together. Keep in mind that your kids will notice things and have questions. Do not lie to them during this time or try to hide the fact that you’re dating. Also, be aware that young children may not understand what dating means, so you will need to explain in words they can understand.
Make sure to be flexible as well. Take time to reassess the situation every couple of months and discuss what is working and what is not working. Your children may wish to voice their concerns or ask questions. It’s important to listen to them and validate their feelings. Remember, though, that you are the adult and make the final call. Finding a balance between being there for your kids and making a new relationship work can be difficult, and often will require changing or canceling plans based on your children’s or your date’s children’s needs.
Talk to your kids about dating someone that has kids. You may want to tell your kids about them or show them pictures of who they will meet. Speak with your children individually to inform them of your relationship and any future plans you may have. Children want to be told the truth, but you may wish to give older children more information than younger children. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open as well. Your children might not have questions right away, but let them know that they can come to you to talk or ask questions at any time.
Spend one-on-one time with each individual child. Assure them that you love them and that nobody is intentionally trying to harm or hurt them.
Try teaching your kids appropriate greetings, such as shaking hands and introducing themselves. Make time spent with their kids enjoyable and vice versa. Plan activities that the kids will enjoy so that they look forward to spending time with you or your partner.
For example, say, “Jamie is coming over for dinner tonight. You’re welcome to eat with us if you’d like to join. I won’t pressure you, but it would mean a lot to me. " This last statement is helpful because otherwise it might sound like you’re including them as an afterthought.
Say, “This is the person I told you about. We’re spending time together. ” You can also say, “I told you I was dating someone, and I’d like you to meet Chris. ” Be sure to consider where you’d like to make the introduction. For example, a neutral location, such as a coffee shop or park, may seem less threatening to your child. Or, your child might feel more comfortable in an environment that is familiar to them, such as at home.
The same goes for your own children. If you feel disappointed that your children aren’t warming up as much as you’d like to your partner, relax and give it time. Don’t push them into a relationship and accept their feelings. Do not shame them for whatever they are feeling. Let them process their feelings however they normally do and then ask them later how they are feeling.
Go to a trapeze school, explore indoor climbing, or work on an art project together.
If you’re not sure about a date or a future together, listen to your gut feelings and keep your children and their children in mind if you’re considering moving forward.
Dress your take-out dinners up by adding candles and eating with real plates and silverware.
Ask your partner if they have backup plans for last-minute changes and readily available babysitters.
You can try using yoga, meditation, or deep breathing to relax. Talk to friends and family for support. You may also consider seeing a therapist if the stress gets to be too much for you.
