If you’ve told a teacher or parent about the situation, they might be able to help you set up a time and place to have a discussion. If not, you can ask to talk to them one-on-one whenever they’re free. Start this conversation by telling them how you feel, and avoid accusing them of purposefully stealing your best friend. You can say “I feel left out when you and Emma hang out without me because I want to be friends with both of you. Can you invite me next time you do something?”
You can ask them questions and try to get to know them, or just invite them to hang out with you to show that they aren’t making you feel threatened. Try to frame the situation as an opportunity to add another friend into your network.
You can either ask them to hang out in person, or start a group text message to make plans. Asking in person ensures that you get honest answers from both of them, but if you don’t see each other regularly, texting might be the best option for planning.
Keep making plans with your best friend as usual, and respect their new friendship by not making mean comments or talking behind their new friend’s back. Show your maturity by not pressuring your best friend to choose between you and their new friend, and let them know that you don’t mind that they have other friends.
You should try to start the conversation by telling your friend how you’re feeling. For example, you can say “I felt upset that you cancelled our plans to hang out with Jesse. I was really looking forward to going to the movies together, and I thought you were excited to go, too. ”
When they’ve finished telling you how they feel, you can respond, but try not to get upset or angry with them, as this can lead to unnecessary conflict. If you don’t understand what they said, let them know. You could say “I’m not sure I understand what you mean when you say that you felt overwhelmed, can you explain it to me?”
Don’t purposefully ignore your friend, but if they ask for space you should give it to them. Otherwise, you might make them feel smothered or overwhelmed. Continue to talk to them regularly, and ask them how they’re doing, but don’t push further if they aren’t feeling talkative. Make sure your friend still knows that you care about them and want to be their friend. After a week or so of giving them space, you can invite them to spend some time with you by doing an activity that you both enjoy.
Your parents and teachers were young once, too, and they have probably been through something similar and can give you advice on how to handle the problem.
Sometimes, a new friend can feel exciting, but that excitement can wear off in a few weeks. Try not to hold a grudge against your best friend for making a new friend, and forgive them by welcoming them back as your friend.
Take plenty of time to focus on yourself and think about what you want for your future friendships.
