Knowing about bipolar can help you avoid surprises and reduce frustration from misunderstanding the disorder.
Make sure you get your husband’s consent, otherwise a psychiatrist won’t be able to include you in the sessions. Let your husband know that you are not going to his sessions with him to try to control him or override him, but to offer support and be part of the treatment process because his successful treatment and management affects both of you.
Include spending time together in the schedule. It is important that you and your husband communicate, spend time together, and continuously work on your marriage. For example, you may decide that every Saturday night for three hours will be couples time. You may go to the movies, go to dinner, or put on music and spend time together in the house. Remove all distractions during this time, including cell phones and computers.
To help build this safe space, make sure your husband understands that it is okay for him to express his true feelings to you. Be there to talk to him whenever his bipolar overwhelms him.
Tell your children to be honest about their feelings. Let them know their feelings are valid, such as being embarrassed or angered by your husband’s actions. Try not to make your husband’s mental illness a family secret that your children feel they cannot talk about. This isn’t healthy and can cause your children to fear your husband or his illness.
This may take awhile to figure out. You may need the help of your husband’s psychiatrist to help you figure out how to separate the two. Remember, learning how to identify the bipolar words does not give your husband an excuse to verbally abuse you. Talk to the psychiatrist if your husband is verbally abusing you and ask for help.
Discuss these rules with your husband when he is not in an episode. Make sure to outline clearly what your non-negotiable rules are. Tell your husband what behaviors are not acceptable to you. Explain the consequences and actions you will take if he doesn’t take his meds, goes on a spending sprees, or something else. Make sure you are willing to follow through, otherwise the action plan is pointless. Remember, you are talking to your husband and partner, so approach it firmly, but lovingly. Don’t bully your husband or treat him like a child. Approach this like two adults who are making a responsible action plan to manage his bipolar so your marriage and family will remain strong and intact.
One hard and fast rule should be that your husband takes his meds as directed. Most problems with the treatment of bipolar is that people skip their meds or stop taking them.
For example, put a rule into place where you can take away his credit card or freeze his accounts is he starts spending.
If your husband is verbally or emotionally abusive, talk to your husband about ways in which the two of you can work on controlling these verbal outbursts. Consult the psychiatrist if you need to.
For example, your husband may be responsible for contacting the doctor if he’s been in a depressive episode for days. Your husband may be expected to tell you if he’s suicidal so you can contact the doctor and get him the help he needs.
If you have to, grieve for the fact that your husband has bipolar. Grieving may be part of the acceptance and coping process. Dealing with a bipolar husband can be difficult, so give your time to adjust to the new challenge in your life.
Remember that you are a human being who deserves a good life. You deserve to take care of yourself in addition to your husband. Having your life revolve only around your husband can cause a lot of problems for both of you.
If you don’t want to turn to people you know, you can try to find a support group in your community. This can provide a safe space for you to talk about being married to a bipolar husband without the fear of any negative response.
If you believe that your husband has been misdiagnosed, then encourage him to talk to his psychiatrist about the full range of his symptoms.
The first time you bring it up may not be successful. Your husband may get angry or upset if you bring it up. He may think he doesn’t need help for his bipolar because he’s been managing fine without any help. If this happens, leave it for now and bring it up again in the future.
Try not to phrase things using “you. ” Instead, phrase your sentences with the word “I. ” For example, you may say, “I love you, and I’ve noticed you’ve seemed down lately. I want to help you if I can. ” You may also say, “I see how much you struggle every day. I love you very much, so I did some research, and I think you may have bipolar disorder. ”
You may want to print out articles about how to identify the symptoms of bipolar disorder or about treating bipolar disorder. You can include information about how bipolar disorder affects the brain, along with common symptoms of the different types of bipolar. You should also include treatment options.
Abuse can take various forms. Bipolar people may verbally abuse you by blaming you for things. You may face emotional abuse due to cruel or controlling behavior. A person with bipolar may perform physical abuse if his irritability or anger gets too much. You may also be subject to financial abuse due to manic spending sprees that cause debt. [20] X Research source
