Find a time when you and a close friend can meet in person. Say something like, “I have a situation at work that I need your opinion on. I think my boss may be bullying me, but I want to see what you think. ” Then, give your friend several examples of what you consider to be your boss’s problem behavior. Listen carefully and with an open mind to your friend’s opinions. Perhaps you are a little sensitive. If so, your friend will be able to help you figure out whether you are being bullied or whether you just have thin skin. Your friend may also be helpful in offering suggestions on how to deal with your boss.
Without mentioning your own situation, see if you can open a conversation with them. Say something like, “It seems like our boss sometimes acts like a bully to you, such as when he calls you names at meetings. ” If you trust this co-worker, mention your own concerns about your situation. Be sure to ask your colleague to keep all conversation between the two of you private.
Note incidents of bullying directed towards others. This can help prove a pattern of bullying. [3] X Research source Save e-mails and memos if they have evidence of your boss’s unprofessional or unfair treatment.
Some bosses think that just because you work for them, they can speak with you in any manner when you make mistakes. The first time this happens, let them know in a kind way that you accept responsibility for the mistake but that you desire to be spoken to in a respectful manner. You could say something like, “I know I didn’t finish my project on time, but I do not appreciate you berating me about that in front of the whole staff. We should find a time to discuss my late project in private. ” Another way to approach your boss could be, “I understand we disagree on how to handle this issue, but I don’t think resorting to name calling will help us come to a good solution. ” Calmly and assertively standing up for yourself may be all you need to do to deal with your bullying boss, but in many cases you will need to take further action.
If your boss is a demanding perfectionist, they may be difficult to work with but want what is best for the company. This type of boss can usually be reasoned with and may not fall under the definition of a “bully. ” A bully is intimidating and will be verbally abusive (yelling, cursing) to you. They may also spread rumors about you. [5] X Trustworthy Source StopBullying. gov Website run by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services providing information related to identifying and preventing bullying Go to source Other signs that your boss is a bully include intruding on your privacy, micromanaging your work to the extreme, harshly criticizing your work, and questioning your skills in front of others. [6] X Research source A bullying boss may undermine you, by either setting outrageous deadlines or constantly changing the parameters of projects. A bullying boss may also blame you for things beyond your control or block your attempts to be transferred or promoted.
Choose a private setting for your conversation. A neutral location, like a conference room, or an off-site location, such as a coffee shop, is better for the meeting than your boss’s office. Invite a representative from your HR department to sit in on the meeting.
Don’t be accusatory. State the issues in your own words and offer ways you both can work together. Stick to the facts and be professional. You can say something like, “I don’t appreciate you calling me names, and I hope we can have more productive, professional interactions in the future. ” Cite specific examples: “It is not appropriate for you to yell at me in front of the entire marketing team. ” If you stand up for yourself, the bully may back down.
Follow up this meeting with your boss with an e-mail confirming what transpired. [8] X Research source Forward a copy to the HR department, and keep a copy for yourself.
If you are afraid your boss’s bullying may escalate to a physical confrontation, you should proceed directly to the HR department instead of first meeting with your boss. Make clear that you feel unsafe or that your future employment is jeopardized because of your bullying boss. [9] X Research source Maintain a calm demeanor while presenting your case. If others in your department were also bullied, ask whether they will accompany you to the meeting with HR. At the end of the conversation, find out what the next steps are. Write up a summary of the meeting and send a copy to the HR representative and keep one for yourself.
Most workplace experts suggest only hiring an attorney if you feel you have a strong case that the bullying is race or gender based.
Take care of your mental and physical needs so that the bullying does not affect your health. Have outlets outside of work for socializing and reducing stress. [10] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Take a few walking breaks during the day to lower your stress level and get some fresh air. Seek out a counselor who specializes in workplace issues and work with them to develop coping skills.
Don’t respond to the bullying with an outburst of your own. Try to either diffuse the situation or simply leave the area without responding. Develop good relationships with others in the office. That way, you will be viewed as a true professional if ever there is a choice between you and the bully.
Don’t let the bully see you cry or get upset by their behavior. If necessary, go to your car or the restroom to decompress or even cry after a bullying episode, rather than breaking down in front of the bully. Just ignore the inflammatory comment and change the subject, or assert yourself calmly and professionally.
Document every accomplishment, happy client, big sale, etc. By keeping an ongoing record of your accomplishments during this difficult time, you will be able to show you were working hard while in a challenging situation. Volunteer to work on projects with those outside of your department. That way, you’ll be able to demonstrate your skills to others in the company, which will be helpful if you try to transfer departments. Join local networking groups or professional societies. The more contacts you make, the easier it will be to find a new position.
