It’s okay to just let yourself cry for a while. This will be therapeutic and will make you feel better – it’s better than keeping these feelings in and letting them build up. If you don’t want to be social, talk to your friends, or be out and about for a while, that’s okay too. Though you’ll feel better once you engage with the world and settle into a comfortable routine, you can’t expect to do it overnight. You can keep a journal for writing down all of your thoughts of confusion and pain. This will help you heal as you figure out your feelings.
You don’t have to talk about your divorce if you’re not feeling up to it yet, but you can’t keep all of your pain and hurt to yourself forever. Your friends can also offer a nice distraction in your time of need. Having a good friend around can help you take your mind off of your pain. Even if you’re suffering incredible heartache, you may be surprised to find that your best friend can still make you laugh.
You’ll only be able to begin to move on if you accept that your marriage is truly over. Until you do, you won’t be able to enjoy your new life. Reminding yourself of all the reasons that the marriage ended, and all of the unhappiness you felt, will help you appreciate the fact that it’s over more.
Don’t berate yourself for eating too much, waking up late, or forgetting a friend’s birthday. Though you can’t use the divorce as an excuse for less than desirable behavior forever, you can’t hold yourself to the highest standards in a time of grief.
If there are kids in the picture, then you obviously can’t ignore your ex completely. You should still talk when you need to and be as polite and cordial as you can, but don’t use the kids to have a long, deep conversation about how much you miss each other.
The sooner you accept that you won’t be able to get over the divorce in a matter of weeks, you’ll be able to deal with it more quickly.
Make a list of all of the qualities you’d like to change about yourself and make a game plan for addressing them. This will give you a positive way to occupy your time and will make you feel less anger about the end of the relationship. Don’t make yourself even more overwhelmed. Addressing your shortcomings doesn’t mean feeling like you’re an unworthy person full of negative qualities.
No only will rushing into a new relationship make it harder for you to get over the old one, but it will also cause pain for the other person you’re trying to date.
Don’t say anything negative about your ex to your kids. This will make them feel confused and hurt. When you see your ex to drop the kids off, try as hard as you can to at least be cordial. Kids will have an intuitive sense that things aren’t going well between you and your ex already, so you should try as hard as you can to make things seem normal.
If you make a major life decision right after your divorce, then you may have to deal with too much adjustment at once. Wait until you feel a bit more level-headed about the divorce and then consider the other decision.
Every relationship is different, and so is the end of any relationship – therefore, you’ll have to decide which advice is helpful and to find your own path to happiness.
You should try to have at least one thing each day to look forward to, even if it’s just a phone date with a close friend or some time to watch that old Katherine Hepburn movie that you haven’t seen in a decade. Setting goals can help you develop a routine. For example, if you want to run a 5K, then you’ll have to fill a few hours a week with time for training. Try to mix it up. Don’t fall back into the routine you had when you were married, or you’ll miss your own life even more.
If you want to take a little vacation, go for a weekend trip or a getaway across the country to visit a friend. Though taking a vacation won’t be a permanent solution for your divorce, it can help take your mind off of things. You can also change your environment by avoiding the bars, restaurants, or old haunts where you and your ex used to hang out.
If you want to take it easy on drinking for a while, let your friends know. This will make it harder for them to pressure you to have a crazy night.
This isn’t the time to be hard on yourself or to punish yourself – instead, let your body feel relaxed and cared for.
Use this time to reconnect with long-lost friends and to see if you can build a friendship again. You can also turn acquaintances into friendships. Don’t be afraid to invite your friend crush out for a cup of tea or a movie.
If you have kids, spend more time than ever bonding with them. They’ll need you during this difficult time, too, and you can help each other.
You don’t have to jump into a serious relationship right away. Just going on a few dates with the same person can get you into the swing of things. Take things slow. Take the time to get to know a new person instead of opening up about your divorce right away.
Make a list of all of the things you’d wanted to do when you were married. See how many of them are feasible and have fun checking them off your list.
