Acting as if they are better than other people or living in a fantasy world Calling you names, demeaning, or belittling you Using intimidation and threats to get their way Taking credit when you succeed or accomplish something Taking advantage of you for their own gain Expecting constant praise and admiration from you, while giving none in return Blaming you when things don’t go their way or when they make a mistake
For example, if your parent has belittled you throughout your life, allow yourself to feel sad and angry about this. Parents are supposed to encourage their children, not put them down. You have the right to feel upset that your parent did not do that for you. You may even want to write about your feelings after reflecting on the things your parent has said and done to you over the years. This may help you to feel and process your emotions. The type of bond you formed with your parent as a child can continue to affect the way that you interact with other people. You may have difficulty trusting a romantic partner or fear rejection as a result of the type of bond you formed with your parent. [3] X Research source
It’s okay to feel sad and cry about this loss. Don’t hold back or try to ignore your feelings. It is important to allow yourself to grieve.
Criticizing your appearance, life choices, or other aspects of who you are Yelling or screaming at you Giving you the silent treatment Mocking or belittling you Threatening you Making demands of you or placing unreasonable expectations on you Blaming you for the distance between you and your parent
For example, if your parent begins yelling at you, then you might say something like, “It is not okay for you to yell at me. If you keep yelling at me, I will leave the room and we won’t be able to continue our conversation. ” If you want your parent to stop criticizing your appearance, you can say something like, “I like the way I look and criticizing my appearance is hurtful to me. If you continue to make critical remarks about my appearance, we can’t spend time together. ”
For example, if you are going out to dinner with your parent, don’t expect them to be warm and encouraging and to show genuine interest in your life. Instead, expect them to say some rude things, talk a lot about their life, and to show little interest in what you have to say. If this is what happens, you will be well prepared! If it goes better than this, then you will be pleasantly surprised. If you have a major life event, such as your wedding day or graduation from college, then expect your parent to try to upstage you and to make some hurtful comments. Knowing that this is what probably lies ahead will help you to prepare yourself.
For example, if your parent makes a critical remark about your outfit, simply say something like, “I like the way I look in this outfit,” and leave it at that. Then, change the subject or excuse yourself to prevent them from trying to debate you. Plan and practice responses to things that you expect your parent to say. This will help to make it easier for you to respond in the moment. For example, if your father often criticizes your decision to become a teacher, you might prepare a response such as, “I love teaching and I am glad I chose this career for myself. ” Keep in mind that your parent will probably not respond to your feelings no matter how clearly you express them.
For example, if your parent is loudly criticizing the dinner you made, ask your partner to help you in the kitchen for a moment. Ask for a hug and vent for a moment before returning to the dinner table. If your parent is going on and on about their accomplishments during a visit and hasn’t even bothered to ask you how you have been, excuse yourself to go to the restroom and text a friend while you are in there. Be honest and let them know what is going on so they can support you.
For example, if you are planning to go shopping with your mother for the day, you might have a friend or partner call you with an “emergency” in case things get too uncomfortable with your mother. Keep in mind that you have the right to leave even if you don’t have an excuse. You can simply say something like, “It was nice seeing you dad, but I have to go. Have a great day!” If your parent pressures you to stay or tries to make you feel guilty for cutting a visit short, it is important to remain firm. Reiterate your need to leave and do not give in to their demands.
For example, you may know that you are intelligent, kind, daring, and beautiful despite your parent’s comments to the contrary. You might also know that you tend to procrastinate and you have trouble saving money. Ask a friend to help you make your list if you have trouble identifying what characteristics are true about yourself.
For example, if your parent accuses you of being ungrateful for everything they do and is trying to argue with you about it, say something like, “I have already told you that I appreciate you. There’s no reason for us to argue about that. ” If your parent continues to try to engage you in an argument, you have the right to walk away. You do not owe them an explanation.
For example, if you have an aunt who has always been supportive of you and shown an interest in your life, meet up with her for coffee once in a while. If you have a friend who encourages you and builds you up, plan to do something fun with that person once every week or so. If you need to find more positive people to surround yourself with, look into special interest groups in your area, such as a knitting circle if you like to knit or a book club if you like to read.
Taking time each day for basic hygiene, such as taking shower, getting dressed in clean clothes that make you feel good, and styling your hair. Exercising and eating healthy foods. Relaxing, such as by practicing yoga, meditating, or taking a bubble bath.
