Your boundaries may involve physical space, such as your right to privacy in your room or the safety of your belongings, but they can also refer to emotional space, such as your right to spend time alone or not continue a conversation that upsets you. If your sibling has a habit of calling you names, identify words that especially hurt you so they can avoid using them. You may want to have your parents present when you discuss boundaries with your sibling. That can help show your sibling how serious you are about the limits you’re setting.
For instance, if your sibling is extremely competitive, try to avoid playing games where you face off against one another. If your sibling gets cranky when they’re under stress, try to give them plenty of space when they’re in high-pressure situations, such as studying for a test or preparing for a big game.
It can also help to count slowly to 10 in your head or take deep breaths before you say anything. [3] X Research source You feel more relaxed if you’re sitting or lying down, so if you know you’re getting upset, take a seat to help your brain realize that it’s time to calm down.
For instance, if you’re trying to read and your little sister is jumping on your bed or saying your name over and over, you might put down your book and say, “Why are you doing that?” In some cases, your sibling may be annoying you to get your attention. If you overreact to what they’re doing, you’ll be reinforcing the idea that acting out will get you to pay attention to them. Instead, you might try to include them in whatever you’re doing. Sometimes, your sibling might be snappy or irritable because they’re feeling nervous or scared about something. Wait until they’re calm, then say something like, “Hey, I feel like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?” Talking to you might make them feel better, so they might be nicer to you in the future. Truly listen to what concerns them and what is bothering them. Ask them questions and listen to their concerns. Then you can better address what they want to know.
For instance, if you’re annoyed because your brother won’t let you play with him, you might say something like, “It really hurts my feelings when you leave me out. How would you feel if I did that to you?” If your sibling is very young, use simple, clear language in order to help them understand the situation more easily. For example, you might say, “It makes me angry when you interrupt my homework,” or “I get sad when you call me names. " Keep in mind that this is definitely not a guarantee that your sibling will stop whatever they’re doing. Sometimes, they might even do something on purpose just because they know it annoys you, especially if they’re already mad at you. When you speak, practice kindness. Even if they are bothering and annoying you, remember they are doing this because they probably want to follow your lead and be a part of your world. Being kind and speaking with respect shows them they should do the same for you.
For instance, if your sibling is bothering you because they want attention, but you need to study, meet in the middle. Tell them that if they’ll leave you alone for an hour, you’ll play whatever board game they want as soon as you’re done, for instance. If one of your siblings constantly borrows your things without permission, you might point out a few items that they are allowed to borrow, as long as they ask first.
If your sibling starts to get physically aggressive, try to avoid the urge to push or hit them back. Instead, leave the room and immediately tell a parent.
Having regular conversations with your parents about what’s going on at school and with your friends can help strengthen your relationship with them. You can even talk about little things, which can help you talk to them often. For instance, when you’re getting a snack after school you might say something like, “Mom, do you want to hear something funny that happened at school today? Mr. Johnston dropped his cup and coffee splashed up and got in his hair! Even he was laughing!”
Be specific. Instead of offering a vague complaint like “John is being a jerk,” say “John keeps interrupting me when I’m trying to study, and this test counts for 20 percent of my grade. " If you’ve attempted to resolve the problem on your own, explain the steps that you’ve taken and your sibling’s reaction. For instance, you might say, “I’ve asked him several times to wait until I’m finished studying to ask me about his video game, but he won’t leave me alone. ”
Keep in mind that these same consequences will apply to you if you annoy your sibling, too!
If you share a room with your sibling, have your parents set up a schedule so you each get some time alone in the room each week. Do the same with common spaces, such as the family room, den, or game room. For instance, your parents might say that you each get one hour of TV time alone each day, and while one sibling is watching TV, the other can relax in your shared bedroom alone.
If you want to make the meetings more fun, ask your parents to plan them around activities, such as baking cookies or sharing a meal. That can help everyone feel relaxed, so you’re all more comfortable.
Some activities that call for teamwork include doing a puzzle, building a model, or cooking dinner for your parents. By working together, you’ll learn to cooperate with one another, and you’ll be spending your energy on something positive instead of arguing. If you and your sibling both enjoy a similar hobby or activity, try to find a way to make it special. For example, if you both like to ride bikes, take them for a ride on your favorite trail. If you like the same types of movies, plan a marathon of your favorites for just the two of you. Bond with humor. Point out what is weird and funny in your family. They’re probably thinking the same! Realize that humor can bond you together.
For instance, if you notice your sibling seems really down, you might pull them aside and say something like, “Did you have a hard day at school? You can talk to me about whatever’s going on. ” If your sibling discloses that they’re in danger in some way, like they’re afraid of a bully at school, encourage them to talk to your parents or another trusted adult. You can even offer to sit with them during the conversation so they’ll feel more comfortable. Be interested in them. Everyone is unique and your sibling is no exception. Find out what makes them tick. Let them entertain you. You may even learn something!
For instance, you might tell your sibling that you have a crush on someone at school, even if you don’t want anyone else to know. Lead by example and treat yourself with kindness. Taking good care of yourself, including what you eat, how much you sleep, and what you say about yourself and your body shows them that you respect yourself and they should themselves, too.
