If you aren’t sure where to find your neighborhood or apartment complex rules, contact your homeowners association (HOA) or landlord for a copy. Get familiar with local and state laws, too. If your neighbor is trespassing, for example, that’s breaking the law.
For example, an entry might look like: “August 2: Neighbor was blasting rock music at 2 a. m. I couldn’t sleep as a result. ” Note any actions you took such as asking them to turn the music down. Even if you don’t plan to go to court, keeping track of your neighbor’s offenses is helpful to take with you to your landlord or HOA.
Check the video surveillance laws in your state before installing a camera. These vary greatly. In some states (like Rhode Island, New York, and California), you cannot put cameras in places where people have a “reasonable expectation of privacy,” which includes bedrooms, bathrooms, and anywhere people get undressed. [2] X Research source You don’t have to install a fancy surveillance system. Look for affordable cameras online or at an electronics store.
Say something like, “Just to let you know, I’m going to record what you’re saying right now. ” If they ask you not to record them, you have to respect that right and turn off the recorder.
Use your best judgment when approaching other neighbors. Don’t come across as the person stirring up drama or gossiping behind backs. Try to bring the topic up casually in conversation to feel out how the other person will react. For example, you could say, “Sorry I’m late. Jim’s car was blocking our parking spot for the fourth time this week. ” See how they respond to your comment about the car. If they don’t mention it, move on. But if they’re dealing with the same problem, they’ll likely continue the conversation. If you find you’re the only dealing with the issue, take a minute to make sure it really is an issue. Is your neighbor really being too loud or are you just tired and overstressed from a crazy week at work? Figure out if the problem is worth pursuing further or if it’s something that’s more you than them.
You don’t have to tell them the reason for your meeting. Keep it vague. Say something like, “Hi, I was wondering if you’re free for a few minutes on Thursday evening to get together. ” Suggest meeting at a neutral place like a coffee shop or neighborhood park. Never discuss tricky issues like these over text or email unless absolutely necessary. Even if your neighbor refuses to meet with you or if your schedules don’t match up, try your best to at least have the conversation over the phone.
Be straightforward and to the point. Summarize your main concerns in 2 to 3 sentences. Don’t ramble on and on, and give the other person space and time to respond, as well. [4] X Research source If your neighbor is skeptical or doesn’t take you seriously, show the record of incidents you’ve been keeping track of as proof. Bring a copy of your lease or the neighborhood rules to show your neighbor so they’re aware that this is more than hurt feelings or pettiness… it’s a real violation.
For example, instead of saying “You keep parking on our lawn and it’s ruining our grass!”, say “I feel frustrated when you park on our lawn because I spend a lot of time and money taking care of it. ” At first, “I” statements feel unnatural. Practice a few phrases before you talk to your neighbor so you’re prepared.
Assertive does not mean aggressive. Don’t yell, raise your voice, or intimidate your neighbor. [7] X Research source If you find yourself on the verge of getting emotional, try to focus on your breathing. Taking deep breaths can help you remain relaxed and articulate your feelings in a calm, respectful manner. [8] X Expert Source Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 24 July 2019.
For example, if your neighbor is constantly cursing at your kids when they’re playing outside because they don’t like the noise, one solution could be to set up a playtime schedule. Actions to take would include alerting your neighbor when the kids will be outside so they can leave the area if it bothers them, along with giving them your number to call if things are getting too loud instead of harassing your kids. Be open to compromise. You aren’t the only person involved in this issue, so don’t expect that it’s going to be your way or the highway. Your neighbor will likely have some ideas for solutions so stay open-minded and discuss those, as well.
Getting worked up affects your judgment and makes you act irrationally. [10] X Research source
Print out your log of incidents to include with your letter or attach it to the email. Some organizations or boards may have an official process for submitting complaints so check with someone in charge to find out if that’s necessary.
Especially in apartment complexes, management companies often actually prefer that you let them address bad behavior. They have processes in place for residents who violate rules which may include eviction or termination of a contract. This helps avoid any awkwardness that you feel confronting a neighbor multiple times. After all, you do have to live with them!
A police visit may scare your neighbor into stopping their bullying behavior. Unless it truly is an emergency (like you’re being attacked), call the non-emergency phone number instead of calling emergency services on 911, 999 etc. Find the appropriate number on your police department’s website.
Come to your meeting prepared with your log of incidents, your lease or homeowners association contract, and any other important documents that could help build your case. Understand that litigation is a time-consuming and costly process. Make sure you’re ready to commit a lot of hours and money to it before you jump in.
Having an unbiased mediator referee the discussion helps decrease hostility between the two of you. These mediators are specifically trained in conflict resolution. Mediation is much cheaper than litigation. A lot of states and local governments even offer free mediation services. [14] X Research source Because mediation is voluntary, your neighbor would have to agree to attend the session out of their own will. Your homeowners association or apartment management company can usually provide you with phone numbers for mediation services.
Protection orders are issued if you’re being stalked or harassed or if your neighbor is threatening you with physical violence. In many cases, you won’t have to pay a fee to file your request for a protection order. Check with your local court to find out if you qualify for a fee waiver. [16] X Research source
For example, if your problem is a neighbor who stands outside your house to smoke everyday, the injunction may be that they must be 50 feet (15. 2 m) away from your house to smoke. You may also sue the landlord or your HOA if they were aware of the issue but did nothing to correct it. You’re paying the lawyer to navigate this process for you so rely on their best judgment and legal knowledge to make sure you go through the right channels for filing.
Compensatory damages pay the person who was injured. For example, if you missed work because of your neighbor’s bullying behavior, compensatory damages could include payment equivalent to your wages for those missed days. Punitive damages are designed to punish the person who was wrong. In this case, that’s your neighbor. If punitive damages are awarded, the judge will request that your neighbor pay you a determined amount of money.
