Moody people are subject to sudden changes in mood, and just about anything can set them off. Try to remember this when someone is experiencing a mood swing. For example, your boyfriend was in a good mood, only to lash out at you because you disagreed with him about something. Remind yourself he’s a moody person by nature. Keep in mind other times he’s suddenly lost his temper when it had little to do with you. If it hadn’t been you disagreeing with him, it would have been something else. It can be helpful to think of a moody person like the weather. Their unpredictable nature can be frustrating, but it is never something you can control.
Make sure to ask gently. Even if the person is being very frustrating, being aggressive in return won’t help. Do not ask, “What is wrong with you?” Instead, say something like, “I feel like you have snapped at me a lot today. Is there something that’s bothering you?” However, you should never put up with someone being aggressive towards you, physically or verbally. If he’s yelling at you, calling you names, or using foul language, do not ask what’s wrong. Instead, leave the situation until he calms down. You can talk it out later.
It’s normal to feel frustrated by mood swings, especially if they’re directed at you; however, repeat something to yourself like, “I can’t control his mood, but I can control mine. " Say your boyfriend is taking you out to dinner, for example. The waiter forgets to bring out your drink orders and your boyfriend gets very angry suddenly. The restaurant is busy, and you understand why the waiter forgot, but your boyfriend is going off loudly about it. You do not have to be angry in return. You do not have to agree with him about the waiter and express anger on your own end. Instead, stay calm. Try to disengage and avoid taking on your boyfriend’s anger.
This is not a permanent solution. Mood swings are a problem, especially if they’re taken out on you. Keeping things in perspective can help you stay calm in the moment, but the underlying problems behind mood swings should always be addressed.
Avoid distractions, like the TV, computer, and your phone. When he’s talking about his mood, give him your full attention. Show that you’re listening by making eye contact and nodding when appropriate. Avoid blaming or criticizing him for his mood. However, you do not have to listen if someone is being aggressive towards you. If the bad mood is directed at you, you should leave the room rather than being insulted. You do not have to listen actively when you’re being berated.
Avoid saying things like, “I know you’re stressed about work, but that’s irrational. You don’t have anything to worry about. It’ll be fine. " Instead, try something like, “I understand you’re very stressed. Work can be stressful, but I’m here to listen. " Again, you should not allow him to express feelings when he’s being negative or aggressive towards you. If the conversation gets ugly, leave the room.
Oftentimes, someone with mood swings will attack or lash out at you. These situations are the most difficult to stay calm in, but remember getting defensive will make it worse. You do not have to take put downs or verbal abuse. If someone is making accusations or yelling at you, walk away instead of getting pulled into an argument. Say something like, “You’re clearly upset right now. I think it would be better if I gave you some space. " Then, leave the room. You can go for a walk or go to a friend’s house.
You could make him something to eat or drink, like a cup of tea. You could watch a movie together. You could go for a walk together. Exercise often helps regulate mood. Remember, however, that you are not obligated to help someone who’s being mean to you. If he’s taking out a bad mood on you, leave the situation. Do not try to distract him.
Make sure to reassure him you still care, especially if his mood swings are due to an underlying mental health disorder. Say something like, “I love you, and I want to stay with you. I know you can’t always control your moods, but you can’t take them out on me. " Lay out what behaviors are and are not acceptable. Make this as clear as possible. For example, “It’s always okay to feel your feelings. That’s important, but just because you’re angry or upset does not mean you can act however you want. You can’t curse at me anymore when you’re having a mood swing. If you curse at me in the future, I will end the conversation and leave the room. If you want to talk things out, you need to do so calmly. "
When he violates your boundaries, remind him of them. For example, “I know you’re mad at how I responded to that question, but you can’t imitate me. That hurts my feelings. We talked about this. "
Introduce the subject of therapy when he’s calm and not during a mood swing. You can help him find therapists in the area, and even offer to go with him to his first appointment. Explain that you love him and care about him, but the behavior is damaging to both of you. If he’s not willing to attend therapy on his own, suggest couples counseling. He may be more willing to attend joint counseling, as the focus is on both of you communicating better rather than one person’s problems.
You can also help him with any coping techniques a therapist provided. For example, try meditating with him when he experiences a mood swing.
Reach out to friends and family members, especially when his moods are getting to you. Go out and see others, especially if you live with someone prone to mood swings. You are entitled to a break from someone’s volatile mood.
Things like meditation, yoga, and exercise can help alleviate stress. You can also talk to a therapist about stress management. A qualified therapist can teach you about things like deep breathing to help you better manage your stress levels.
Craving time for yourself is not selfish. It’s normal. Someone prone to mood swings may be very demanding of your time; however, remind him you need time to yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Read a book. Go for a walk. Attend events around your town. See friends. You are entitled to your own life. You do not have to have your life revolve around someone else’s bad moods.
Deliberately embarrassing you Refusing to talk to you Controlling who you spend time with and how you spend your money Aggressive or demeaning language Constant texts or phone calls when you’re not with him Unreasonable jealousy and moodiness
