Avoid interrupting them or defending your own views, even if what they say is upsetting. You will get your chance to talk later.
You might ask, “Why do you think it’s wrong?” In some cases, this might pertain to their religious beliefs, but you might also uncover a deeper, or more personal reason that they are against gay people
If you know people in your religious community who are accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals, invite them to talk to your parents to share a different viewpoint.
If you aren’t LGBTQ+, but are simply trying to broaden their views, you might share an experience of a friend or watch a video with them that portrays an inside perspective. If your parents aren’t willing to open their minds and learn more, there’s not much you can do to convince them. Don’t push too hard, since that might make them even less inclined to listen to you.
Even if your parents remain homophobic to some degree, they may soften up over time to maintain a relationship with you.
To figure out if they might be ready, consider their responses to your questions about their LGBTQ+ beliefs. Always listen to your intuition! If you feel afraid to tell them, wait until the timing feels right.
For example, you might arrange to stay with a supportive family member who can help cover your costs until you’re ready to be on your own. Alternatively, you might stay with a friend’s family.
Think about what you’ll say ahead of time, so you don’t get tongue-tied. Ask a trusted friend or adult to help and support you during this conversation.
Try not to argue with them, as this might escalate the situation. Instead, say something like, “I understand that you feel that way, but I hope you’ll understand that this is who I am,” or “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t agree with your beliefs. I know you love me, and I just hope you’ll accept me as I am. ”
Acting the same as you always have will help your parents feel “normal” about your relationship again.
You might say, “I can see why you’d be worried about me, but I’ll be okay. I just need you to love me. ”
It’s best to arrange to stay with a friend or family member before you tell your parents. If you don’t have anywhere to go, contact local LGBTQ+ organizations to get help finding a place to stay. You might also try local shelters if there are any near you. If you’re a member of a faith community, you might find someone there who will allow you to stay with them.
Talk to a counselor or friend who can help you deal with your parents’ harmful statements. Verbal abuse is still abuse. It may be best for you to arrange to live somewhere else if your parents continue to treat you this way.
Talk to these people when you need to vent or get advice. Spend time with your supporters to boost your mood. Rely on your support system when you need a place to stay, financial support, or food.
You may be able to get counseling for free through your school or a local university with a psychology program. Additionally, there may be free support groups for LGBTQ+ individuals in your area.
Even if your parents don’t want to talk to a counselor, consider getting individual counseling for yourself. If you’re in high school or college, you can probably talk to a school counselor for free.
Say something like, “I understand that you don’t approve, and I’m not asking for permission. I’m just hoping for your acceptance and tolerance. ”
However, remember that if you’re living in your parents’ house, they still have some say over your activities. If you’re worried about how coming out will affect your day-to-day life, it may be time to step out on your own.
