If people don’t know what you’ve done to help, they can’t be expected to show their appreciation. Sometimes it’s part of any role that you have to put in effort without seeing immediate reward. For example, you may have spent the morning putting out all new inventory, but a customer who just walked in wouldn’t know that. When they ask if you have other sizes in the back, let them know, “I put out everything we have this morning. Would you like me to help you look for your size on the sales floor?”
People also have a tendency to shoot the messenger. If you are relaying information that upsets them, but that is out of your control, they may get even more upset with you. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. This is an especially common tendency with ungrateful bosses and managers. They often project their own feelings of inferiority or criticisms directed at them onto their team. In those cases, it’s often best to let your work speak for you rather than demanding gratitude. [3] X Research source While it’s not necessarily fair that they are taking their frustrations out on you, there’s nothing you could have done differently to change their attitude.
If the person is constantly pushing your buttons or won’t let a situation pass, try excusing yourself until you’re able to calm down. If the person is harassing you, don’t be afraid to ask your manager to intervene.
If, for example, you have a client who constantly criticizes you for how long your team takes to do work, prepare a comprehensive timeline for them. Then, let them know, “We have set up this timeline because your work is too important for us to get wrong and we want to do everything correctly. ” This may or may not satisfy your client but it will show other people who matter, like your managers, that you are doing everything you can to handle a difficult situation. If your manager is consistently difficult, you may consider talking to them about how you can track and show them your work so that you are meeting their expectations. You may also consider speaking to HR if they are hypercritical or verbally abusive. You never have to stand for a situation where your manager takes advantage of you in any way. [6] X Research source
Try to use “I” statements instead of casting blame. For example, you could say “I feel like you take for granted how often I help you with work projects, even though we don’t work for the same company. ”[9] X Research source Your tone should be firm, but open. Your friend or family member may be more receptive to your concerns if you frame them as your feelings instead of accusations. Give them a chance to address your feelings and apologize, if they feel it is necessary. Remember that no one is obligated to apologize. Give your friend or family member the chance, but understand that they may not do so. If they don’t, it’s your choice as to whether you want to continue addressing the issue or move past it.
If, for example, your friend is going through a rough breakup and seems rude or needy, their attitude has nothing to do with you. They are just struggling with difficult emotions. As they heal, though, their ungrateful habits will fade and they will appreciate that you were there for them.
If you are the only person in your house who does the dishes, for instance, let your roommates know that moving forward you will only be cleaning the dishes you dirty. They will be accountable for their own mess.
Say, for example, you have a friend who constantly demands your time to do things they want to do or navigate their emotional problems, but who is unwilling to return the favor. You may choose to limit that friend to someone you only see in groups so that you don’t have to handle their emotional burden on your own. You may also decide that you’re happier not maintaining that friendship. A person who demands your time and effort but who shows no consideration or appreciation for your efforts can become a toxic force if you let them.
If, for example, your partner always makes the first pot of coffee in the morning, take a few seconds to tell them, “I know I don’t say it every day, but I appreciate that you take the time to make coffee in the morning. ” Remember that everyone can come off as ungrateful sometimes. Use this as a chance to practice gratitude in situations where you think you might sometimes seem ungrateful.
At home, for example, you could implement a weekly activity where everyone goes around the dinner table and says one nice thing about everyone else. At work, take time at team meetings to publicly praise small efforts as well as large accomplishments. Compliment the effort of everyone involved, not just the team or project leads. You could even give out hand-written thank you cards after major projects.
