Rules and consequences will vary by your child’s age and maturity level. A young child may need a rule not to hit, while an older child may need rules around curfew. Be willing to approach them with a degree of flexibility as your child matures or needs new boundaries.
Make morning and bedtime routines predictable so that your child can anticipate their day. If your child has a change in their routine (like a visit to the dentist or a family member visiting for the weekend), let them know well in advance. Some children can’t jump from one activity to another without feeling jarred. If your child needs some time to adjust, build this into their routine.
Make sure the consequence is appropriate and helps your child learn from their mistake. [5] X Research source For example, if your child takes a long time getting ready for the park, then they receive less time to play at the park.
Don’t be surprised if your child has an excuse or can explain away their behavior. Be clear in saying, “You broke a rule, so that means you get a consequence. ” If you have multiple children (or children from mixed homes), it’s especially important to be consistent with each child. Otherwise, they might feel as if you’re treating them unfairly.
Familiarize yourself with what developmentally appropriate behavior looks like for your child’s age group.
If your child is threatening their safety or the safety of another child, deal with it right away. Prioritize safety over redirection.
For example, say, “It’s not okay to hit. If you hit, then you get a timeout. ”
Most parents send their child to timeout for one minute per year of their child’s age. You can also have your child stay in timeout until they calm down.
For example, say, “You hit Anna, so you went to timeout. We do not hit. If you feel upset, come get me. ”
For example, you might let a toddler choose which bedtime story to read or which shirt to wear. If they’re having a fit about putting on their shoes, let them pick between the green ones or the red ones. The choice may also include putting on their jacket or going to timeout. Say, “It’s your choice. Which do you want?”
For instance, if your child is pulling the dog’s fur, say, “Let’s pet the dog like this. ”
For example, if your child lied about completing their chores, give them additional chores to complete.
For example, many school-aged children start lying as a way to gain attention or push boundaries. If your child begins to lie to you, let them know that lying hurts other people and makes your child appear less trustworthy, which can affect their friendships.
For chores, give your child 6 options and let them pick 4 to do. Some parents give prizes or money for doing extra chores. If your child wants to win something, let them work for it by choosing chores from popsicle sticks. Harder chores mean bigger prizes or more money!
If your child struggles to complete their homework each night, designate a time for them to do it. If they struggle to get out to the school bus on time in the morning, set up a routine for them in the morning that allows plenty of time. Have them pack their lunch and pick out their clothes the night before.
For example, say, “I know you didn’t want to clean your room, but I’m proud that you did. You can go to your friend’s house now. ”
Let your teen know that you’re open to receiving feedback regarding house rules. If they want to change one, have them make a case or provide an alternative.
For instance, if your 13-year-old has been talking back to you, take away their cell phone for one day. If they continue to talk back to you when it’s time to get the phone back, keep it for an extra day. Let them know they can earn back their privileges when they show you positive behaviors.
Tell your teen how to be respectful and let them know when they step out of line. For example, you may tell your teen not to raise their voice or swear in the house.
For example, say, “You were late coming home last night and I’d like to hear why. ”
For example, if you want your teen to check in with where they’re going and who they’re with, offer to buy them a cell phone with the conditions that they will use it to stay in contact with you and if they don’t, you’ll take it away.
