4 Ways To Discipline A Stubborn Child

For example, if you are in the habit of just saying “no” or making an angry face every time your baby does an unwanted behavior, it is possible that the baby is simply repeating the behavior to see if your reaction stays the same. By varying your response to the behavior, your child will see that he cannot always get the response he wants and he will try different behaviors.

Babies learn by exploring, and are not trying to be naughty by getting into things. Move your breakables and “babyproof” your home rather than trying to squelch normal learning behaviors. Check out this helpful wikiHow article for advice on babyproofing your home. As your baby grows, you will discover new areas that need to be made safe for her. This is all part of structuring her environment so that she is safe and has the most potential to learn and play without risk. You should begin babyproofing your home before your child is mobile (usually around nine or 10 months old). [2] X Research source

Let your child spend time outside, doing arts and crafts, or splashing in the tub as much as possible. Creative and physically-expressive activities will help to use up some of that toddler energy, helping him sleep better which in turn results in a more compliant and less stubborn child.

For example, bring his favorite small board book, snack, or small toy in your purse when you leave the house. Keep the object hidden in your purse until you need it. If you and your child are at a friend’s house and the child is headed toward an electric cord, say his name and then ask if he wants his ball. The distraction is likely to catch his attention and divert his behavior.

When the baby hits you, take hold of the hand she used, look her in the eye, and say, “We don’t hit. We use gentle hands. " Then, still holding her hand, use it to softly touch your arm or face (wherever she hit you), saying, “Gentle hands. See? Gentle hands. " You can also use your hand to touch her gently, to show her the difference between hitting and a soft touch. [5] X Research source Use this same technique to teach a baby or toddler how to safely interact with pets and younger babies. You can also try reading simple board books to her, such as “Hands are Not For Hitting” by Martine Agassi and Marieka Heinlen, to model appropriate behavior.

Consequences for bad behavior should not be arbitrary or punishing. Consequences should be connected to the behavior. This is why time-outs are often very ineffective with children who are stubborn; the time-out itself is unrelated to the negative behavior and feels more like a punishment than a consequence or disciplinary measure. If there is no way to make a consequence, you can take away a privilege, but try to teach a lesson that connects the choice the child made to their loss of privileges. [7] X Research source For example, if your child plays video games longer than he is supposed to, the consequence can be that he loses his privilege of playing with friends that evening. This makes sense, since he won’t have time to play with friends.

If you tell your child that she has to pick up her room before she can go to a friend’s house, don’t give in if she hasn’t done the requisite cleaning when it’s time to leave. Consistency is key! Because consistency is so important, it is vital that you never set a consequence that you can’t keep. Often it is best to not do this in the moment, as you might be frustrated. For example, if you have to say, “If you do that one more time, I’m going to…” the odds are good that you are already frustrated and likely to overreact. Instead, try to set boundaries pre-emptively. If you know your child is likely to continually get out of his chair at dinnertime because he often behaves that way, before dinner you should tell him that you want him to stay in his chair, and let him know what the consequence will be if he doesn’t (for instance, dinner will be over, or he won’t get dessert).

Set and stick to a strict bed- and wake-time each day. Be sure that your child is getting enough sleep, as a lack of sleep is linked to behavioral problems. From ages three to 12, most children need between 10 and 12 hours of sleep each day (including any nap-times), but many children resist early bedtimes and nap times even if they actually need the sleep. If your child seems grumpy or tends to have disruptive behaviors toward bedtime, this is a sign that he is not getting enough sleep. [10] X Research source Give your child plenty of warning if you need to change the routine, but reassure them that you will get back to the routine as soon as possible. [11] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source

It is normal for parents to become frustrated and even angry when dealing with a stubborn child. The key is to control these emotions and not allow them to influence the way you interact with your child. Pay attention to the types of things that seem to set you off when dealing with your child. Perhaps you are easily angered because your child makes a mess, talks back to you, or is not compliant. The things that frustrate you most often point to areas where you feel a lack of control. Dealing with your own issues (from work, childhood, or other relationships like your marriage) can help you to react more positively to your child. [13] X Research source

For example, you might prefer that your children wear prim and proper clothes when out in public, but your child might have a different sense of what is stylish and comfortable. As long as your child is clothed, choose your battles wisely when it comes to things like this that don’t really matter but might give your child a sense of control that she is lacking.

Children at this age often test the limits of their independence. This is a normal and healthy part of growing up, even though it can be frustrating to parents who are used to being in control. [15] X Research source It is important to let them feel that they have some control over decisions that affect them, so let your child help plan the menu for the week or pick out his next hair style. Remember that your child is first and foremost an individual. Stubbornness is just one part of a complex personality, and that stubbornness might actually be a good trait. As you can teach your child to stand up for himself and his friends, to resist bad influences, and to always do what is right, stubbornness will be a key proponent of his development into a healthy human being.

Puberty is a process lasting several years, not a one-off experience, and it usually starts between the ages of 10 and 14 for girls and 12 and 16 for boys. During that time, changes in behavior are typical for both genders. [17] X Research source

Let your teen give input on the rules and consequences, and put them in writing. This helps your teen to feel like you take his opinions seriously and that he has some personal investment in behaving well. [19] X Research source For example, if your child runs up his cell-phone bill by using too much data, the consequence might be that he has to pay the bill or that he loses his cell phone for the following week. Be consistent, but be willing to make adjustments as necessary. If your set of rules and consequences is not working for the family, sit down with your teen and reconsider other options. Also, be willing to relax your rules on occasion if your child is responsible and respectful (for example, letting him stay out late for a special event).

Prepare responses ahead of time. If your teenager tends to say hurtful things during arguments, prepare your response ahead of time to prevent yourself from saying something hurtful back. For example, you can simply say, “That was hurtful. Let’s take a break and revisit this issue when we’re calmer. " Take a time-out if you need to. If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed with your teen, tell her you need to take a break and come back to the discussion later. Be sure to follow through and sit down with her when you are more clear-headed so she knows that you will not let issues slide.

A psychologist can help you determine the best course of action for a self-destructive or otherwise troubled teen, who may be experiencing early symptoms of mental illness or depression. [20] X Research source

Punishment is using painful or unpleasant words or experiences with the goal of stopping an unwanted behavior. It can include physical punishments like spanking, emotional or verbal punishments like telling your child she is stupid or you don’t love her, or imposing penalties and/or withholding rewards. Physical and emotional punishments are cruel and teach children that you are not trustworthy and that they are not valuable. Many times, physical and emotional punishments are child abuse and are illegal. You should NEVER resort to using physical or emotional punishment on your child. Punishing your child for breaking rules is not generally an effective way to teach actual life lessons. Instead, it just engenders bitterness toward you as the enforcer and in some cases backfires altogether by causing your child to rebel even further. Discipline, on the other hand, helps a child learn life lessons by teaching her how to solve problems, cooperate with others, and ultimately meet her own goals by getting what she wants the right way.

Homes characterized by noise, overcrowding, a lack of order, and general chaos tend to produce children who have disruptive behaviors, hyperactivity, and inattention. [21] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Similarly, children experiencing stressful life events (like moving to a new home, the birth of a new sibling, or parental separation or divorce) are more likely to experience difficulty in school performance and behavior. [22] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source These children often “act out” in defiant and stubborn ways. Dealing with the environmental factors that contribute to your child’s behavior is vital if you want your disciplinary methods to be effective. After all, even if you successfully discipline your child today, if the environmental factors causing him to misbehave are still present tomorrow, the problem will persist.

Naturally stubborn children respond best to consistency and less well to long, drawn-out explanations of what they did and why it was wrong. They often act out for the reaction you provide, so stay calm and try not to give them the reaction they seek. Extreme cases of stubbornness, anger, or sudden mood swings might signal an underlying mental condition such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Treatments for ODD include therapy and possibly medication to treat the chemical changes that cause outbursts. [23] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source

Physical growth can be a particularly uncomfortable experience at all ages. Toddlers grow teeth, which can be painful. Older children might get growing pains in their legs, or even headaches or stomach aches. Children are often sleep-deprived. A growing body of research indicates that our children are walking zombies, and more research indicates that emotional regulation can be affected even after only one night of poor sleep. Physical needs, such as thirst or hunger, can make kids of any age seem difficult and stubborn, but it’s really because their bodies and minds need fuel to deal with that particular situation. Sometimes, kids can seem stubborn if their emotional needs are not being met. Moreover, they might seem stubborn if they are frustrated because they don’t know how to express how they are feeling.