Learn to embrace conflict. See it as an opportunity to hash out your differences in order to grow closer and better meet one another’s needs.
For example, your partner may accuse you of lying and then you say, “Well, you lied to me last week!” When you notice yourself bringing up an old issue, pause and ask if it’s really going to help you resolve the problem at hand or if you’re just bringing it up to build a case. Deal with the current issue first. Then, if the old issue still needs resolving, talk about it at a later time.
For example, you said something to your partner and they never respond or say anything to you. If this lasts for an extended period of hours or days, it’s probably the silent treatment. If your partner tends to use the silent treatment against you, call them out. Saying something like “Ignoring me isn’t going to resolve the issue” may get them to snap out of it. [2] X Research source
An example of emotional blackmail may involve you bringing up a problem and your partner immediately saying, “You can never be happy. I don’t know why I thought this relationship would work. " Emotional blackmail can work against you. Threatening your partner with a breakup or divorce may actually prompt them to leave you. Plus, it creates an insecure relationship that jeopardizes trust. Ban relationship threats from your arguments. Commit to discussing the issue at hand without bringing the livelihood of the relationship into question.
For instance, you nor your partner should be calling each other names like “loser” or “idiot. " Agree that name-calling is no longer welcome in your arguments. If it happens, stop the discussion completely until the other person apologizes for the insult.
Try keeping a journal of the things that make you feel angry. Be as detailed as possible, so you can make connections between details and explain it to your partner later.
For example, you might each have five minutes to voice your grievances. Then, to prevent tension from building, take a short 10 to 20 minute break. Afterwards, you might reconvene to discuss possible solutions (without bringing up grievances again). [9] X Research source
”I” statements allow you to share what you’re feeling without getting caught up in the blame-game. For example, you might say, “I’m so hurt that you accused me of lying. ”[11] X Research source
In fact, to prevent misunderstanding, clarify your partner’s message by asking questions or restating it before saying your part.
“So, what’s going on?” “What do you think about…?” “Could you help me understand…?” “What do you think we should do next?”
For example, if your partner dwells on how you behaved at a dinner party, you might ask, “What would you have liked me to do instead, sweetheart?” Aim to be action-oriented. [15] X Research source
For example, if you have different religious beliefs, this may allow both of you to expand your cultural and religious awareness.
Schedule a regular date night, share a hobby or passion, and laugh together as often as possible.
Increase intimacy by trying new things together, having deeper conversations, and switching up your typical routine. Intimacy is more than sex, although physical intimacy is a part of it. However, boosting emotional and spiritual intimacy may also improve your sex life. [18] X Research source
Conflict can be a way to care for an empathize with your partner once you understand where the other person is coming from. You might realize you need to spend more time together, or need to anticipate conflict before it starts so you can better deal with it. Listen, understand, and validate each other to get the best experience from your argument.
