Do we share the same values? Is this the type of person I would normally have feelings for? Are they in a good place to start a serious relationship? Do I think they would be a good partner for the right person? Are there any issues that might make the relationship difficult down the road?
If your crush is so strong that it’s hard for you to be “just friends,” it’s probably worth telling the other person how you feel. Those feelings will probably come out eventually anyway. If you’re just starting to feel a spark of attraction towards your friend, you might consider waiting a while to see if those feelings develop more or if it’s a temporary thing.
This doesn’t mean you have to ignore obvious signs. For instance, if your friend regularly describes you as being like their sibling, it could be a clue they’re not interested. If they’re very affectionate or flirtatious around you, but not other people, it could mean they like you. Consider asking your mutual friends what your crush thinks of you. They might be able to help you decide whether you should tell your crush you like them.
If your feelings are really strong but you’re still not sure about telling your crush, consider spending a little less time around them for a while. That can help you clarify your feelings, and if your friend has a chance to miss you, it might make them realize they have romantic feelings for you. If your friend is in a relationship or there are other reasons you don’t think you could be together right now, consider dating other people for a while. However, don’t pretend to like someone else just to make your friend jealous. Don’t try to bury your feelings for too long—that can lead to built-up frustration or even resentment, and it will be tempting to only see the best in your crush instead of seeing them as a whole person. Just take your time figuring out how you feel before you move forward, since the stakes are higher with an existing friendship. [4] X Research source
Similarly, if you think you’re ready to settle down but you know your friend isn’t ready to think long-term, it might not be the best timing to move things to the next level. Hooking up does not necessarily mean leaving the friend zone. If anything, it could just make things more confusing for both of you.
For instance, you might invite your friend to do things you know they enjoy, like attending a concert, going on a hike, or playing a sport together. You could also casually invite them to go with you when you’re running errands, getting a bite to eat, or going shopping.
This can make your friend feel like the two of you share a secret, so they might feel closer to you.
Increase physical contact with your friend slowly, and be respectful. If they tense up, frown, or move away from you when you touch them, stop what you’re doing and consider apologizing for making them uncomfortable.
For instance, instead of saying, “You have gorgeous eyes,” you might say, “I love how you light up every time you see a cute animal!” or “I love the way you always make me laugh when I’m around you!”
If they seem tense, uncomfortable, or upset, they might not see you in a romantic way, and it’s probably better to back way off. Other signs they’re not interested might be if they frequently talk about liking other people, or if they try to avoid any romantic talk altogether. [11] X Research source If they seem a little unsure about how to act, they may just need some time to adjust to the idea, or they may be too polite to let you down. Take some time to read the situation before you proceed.
Learn to read your friend’s behavior. If they respond well to lighthearted flirting, it could be a good sign. If they tend to shut down or change the subject when you show affection, then they probably aren’t interested in you in that way, and it’s time to find a new crush. However, don’t be too subtle—part of the reason a lot of people end up in the friend zone is that they don’t make it clear enough that they’re interested in the other person. [13] X Research source
For instance, don’t say things like, “Nobody ever wants to date me” or, “I’ll be alone forever. " Instead, try saying things like, “I know there’s someone out there who’s going to love me for exactly who I am!” It’s fine to laugh with your crush! In fact, it’s ideal. Just try to remember not to make yourself the butt of the joke too often. If you’re having trouble seeing what’s good about yourself, it might be time to step back from the idea of dating someone for right now. Instead, spend some time figuring out what it means for you to live your best life. It’s hard to have a healthy relationship if you don’t understand your own worth.
You might feel like you can impress your crush by constantly doing favors for them, but unfortunately, this can sometimes actually have the opposite effect. Be there for them when they need you, but try to wait until they ask rather than rushing to offer help. If you’re too available, your crush may be less likely to see you as a love interest.
Even better, this might give your crush a chance to realize how much they miss you when you aren’t around.
If there are other people around, your friend might be too embarrassed to be honest with you about how the feel.
Try saying something like, “I’m nervous about telling you this but I really like you,” or “We’ve spent so much time together and I like being around you. I have feelings for you and I just needed to tell you that. " Don’t turn the conversation into a long, dramatic monologue about how your life will only be complete if they’re your partner. Just let them know you’re interested, simply and directly. Avoid opening up when you’re not sober. While it may give you a sense of “courage” to be super confident, neither of you can trust what is said when you’re either drunk or high––and it can complicate things quickly. [19] X Research source
If you’re able to set your feelings aside, you may be able to go back to enjoying a friendship with this person. However, don’t do it just to stay close to them if you’re hoping they’ll change their mind. This will just prolong the feeling of heartbreak. Spend some time around your loved ones for support to help keep your spirits high. You might also find it helpful to write down your feelings in a journal, or you might prefer staying busy with exercise or a favorite hobby to keep your mind off of things. Remember to be proud of yourself for giving it a shot. That took a lot of courage! Even being rejected is better than spending your whole life wondering, “What if?”
For instance, you might say something like, “I think you’re amazing and special, and I really want you to be my girlfriend. "
For instance, you might discuss how often the two of you will talk, how you’ll prioritize spending your free time together, and what is and isn’t okay to talk to mutual friends about. Be flexible―these boundaries may change as your relationship deepens. This is absolutely natural and normal, and it’s important to talk honestly about what is and isn’t working for you both. Don’t worry if things are a little awkward at first. Just learn to laugh together as you get used to the changes in your relationship. [23] X Research source
If you’re having serious problems in your relationship, it’s okay to talk to someone else. However, it might be best to choose someone who isn’t a mutual friend—instead, you might choose one of your close family members or someone who’s been a mentor to you.
