For example, if you are doing all the calling and inviting, it could be a sign that the friendship is unhealthy.

The next time you have a conversation with your friend, pay attention to whether the conversation seems balanced.

Try making a list of your feelings after hanging out with your friend. In a healthy friendship this list will include positive feelings. Consider how often you and your friend complain when you are together. If your friendship is based on mutual complaining about problems, then it may not be a healthy relationship. Ask yourself—after you’ve seen this person, do you feel loved and supported, or judged and criticized? Do you feel seen and heard, or do they dominate the conversation and activities?[5] X Expert Source Tracy Carver, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 7 January 2021.

For example, if your friend is continually pointing out your mistakes, you might be in an unhealthy friendship. Consider whether you have been making excuses for being mistreated and criticized. If so, then this is a big red flag of being co-dependent. Also, consider if your friendship is keeping you from growing personally or if you are maintaining the friendship due to personal fears. If so, then this is another sign of an unhealthy relationship.

If you feel like you have to be friends with someone, rather than wanting to be friends, you could be involved in an unhealthy relationship

For example, a good friend should not lie, make excuses, or hide the truth from you.

For example, a good friend should not divulge your secrets or betray your trust.

Make time in your life for friends who value mutual support.

Make a list of all the healthy and unhealthy aspects of your relationship, placing a star next to things you’d like to change. After you make your list, write out possible solutions to the issues you identified.

Try saying, “Kendra, I really value our friendship, but I feel like our relationship is unbalanced. I’d really like it if you asked me more questions about what’s going on in my life. ”

Only you can decide whether or not you want to continue being in a particular friendship.

If you or your friend do not make the agreed upon changes, you might want to consider ending the friendship.

Sometimes a simple email will suffice, while other times a conversation on the phone or in person is necessary. Giving your former friend and yourself closure is the respectful way to end an unhealthy friendship.