Ask friends or family for counselor recommendations. While you may be hesitant to disclose to others that you are seeking therapy, you could find a valuable resource. You may even be able to have a great discussion about the process of going to counseling with someone whose opinion you value. Search for a therapist in your area. Depending on where you live, you might have numerous options for a counselor, or you might have very few. In either case, you go find a directory of counselors in your area by visiting the website for the National Board for Certified Counselors. [2] X Research source If you’d rather find a counselor based on a personal recommendation, ask your doctor for a referral.
Be aware of feelings of resistance while talking to your counselor. Inevitably, there will be times when you’ll feel misunderstood or as if your therapist doesn’t understand why you feel so strongly about certain things. Remember that your therapist can see the situation more clearly than you can.
Ask questions. If, at any point, you feel confused about why you’re feeling the way you do or how you should react in certain situations, ask your therapist for feedback. He or she is there to give you feedback and to help you monitor your thoughts and feelings, and asking questions will help both of you clarify what is important for your treatment.
Be brave. Though it might be scary to express those feelings to loved ones, it could be helpful for both you and them to acknowledge the situation. After doing so, you won’t feel quite so alone. Be careful, however: in situations where you are expressing anger toward someone, it’s possible that they’ll respond with anger, as well. If that happens, don’t allow your emotions to escalate. Simply take a deep breath and walk away until you can continue your conversation calmly. Getting into a screaming match isn’t going to make anyone feel better. Speak honestly but tactfully. Especially if you’re confronting a friend or family member about something that bothers you, try to approach them with calm and humility. Say something such as, “I was wondering if we could talk. There’s something I’d like to get off my chest, and I’m hoping that I can be honest with you. "
The benefits of exercise for regulating anger are debated. Some studies suggest that because vigorous exercise actually increases physiological arousal, it may make feelings of anger worse. [8] X Research source Bushman, B. J. (2002). Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger, and aggressive responding. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28, 724–731 However, slow exercises such as yoga and tai chi may help you relax and calm down. [9] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Studies have also shown that over the course of several weeks, exercise can increase feelings of emotional well-being and calm, especially in people who are experiencing symptoms of depressed mood. [10] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Exercise is unlikely to help you in the moment, but it’s good for your heart and also appears to help your emotional health in the long run. Join a community league. If you like to play team sports, it could be helpful to join an adult basketball, softball, or soccer league. You’ll get regular exercise, you’ll get in better physical shape, and you’ll make some friends that will likely become part of your social support system. Try going for a relaxing walk when you feel overwhelmed. Allow yourself to be quiet with yourself. Drink in the natural beauty that surrounds you, focusing on noticing the small beautiful details that you usually miss. Breathe deeply and evenly. This will get you exercise and help you relax.
Learn how to breathe. Practice breathing deeply from your diaphragm. Breathing shallowly from your chest won’t help. Instead, imagine your breath coming up from your gut. [12] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source If you can master this technique, you’ll find it much easier to relax yourself.
Don’t give up too soon. Meditation can be difficult, especially at first, because it takes some patience to see any results. At first, you may even feel a bit more anxious or frustrated, just because you want it to work more quickly. Take your time, and you’ll reap the rewards.
Go to your journal instead of acting out. If you feel like you want to punch a wall, write about what is making you angry. Write about why you want to punch a wall, what it would feel like, and what it would accomplish. Journaling has been shown to help people manage feelings of anxiety and depression, while also offering an opportunity to write boldly and without fear that anyone will respond negatively. [18] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U. S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source Take your journal to counseling sessions. If you’re using your journal regularly, it will provide you with a day-by-day account of what you’re feeling and experiencing. This information could be very useful in helping you explain to your therapist exactly how and why you feel the way you do.
Try painting. You can free-form your painting to express whatever it is you’re feeling at the moment. [20] X Research source Try music. You may find creating a piece of music, or simply playing your favorite piece on an instrument, helps you express your emotions. Try photography. Photography can be very helpful because it doesn’t require any special skills to get started — all you need is a camera. Try taking photos that express how you feel. Try dance. Dance connects the movement of your body to your inner emotions, allowing you to express how you feel through how you move. You can try formal dance, or just move your body in ways that express yourself.
Use self-compassion when you write about your pain. Studies suggest that merely writing about your pain might make you feel worse, unless you approach it from a place of self-compassion. [21] X Research source Don’t beat yourself up over your emotions or judge yourself harshly.
Remember, those intense emotions, as threatening as they may seem, are only temporary. There is no shame in feeling sad or angry in certain circumstances, and denying those emotions only means you’re pushing them deeper inside where they might do more damage – both psychological and physical. Expressing your pain is the first step in making it stop. [22] X Research source
Monitor your internal dialogue. People who are experiencing strong emotions tend to think in very black or white terms, such as “Everything is terrible” or “This is hopeless. " Instead, try to reframe your thoughts to something less extreme, such as “This is frustrating, but I’ll get through it” or “I have a right to be disappointed, but getting angry won’t help anything. " Try to avoid terms such as “always” and “never. " That kind of polarized thinking will only escalate the intensity of your negative emotions and allow you to feel justified for feeling that way. [24] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Of course, this isn’t a solution for all situations, as many can’t and shouldn’t be avoided. But in those cases where it’s impossible to make any progress and the situation can be avoided, don’t be afraid to do so.
Once you’ve learned to identify your emotions, you can own them when you speak to others. For instance, try not to use words such as “You make me feel bad,” when you’re talking to others. Instead, say “I feel bad because of. . . ” Doing so will allow your tone not to sound accusatory, and the person with whom you are talking will come to a better understanding of how you are experiencing your emotions. [25] X Research source Slow down when you’re expressing yourself. When you’re feeling a flood of emotions, it’s possible that you’ll have so many thoughts that you won’t be able to keep up with them. In these moments, try to slow down and take one thought at a time. Think very carefully about what you want to say and what is the right way to say it.
