For example, your friend forgets that you are supposed to hang out and doesn’t show up or call you. It is okay to feel angry and upset about this situation. Acknowledge that your emotions of anger and sadness are valid and understandable. Do not belittle your feelings, even if she apologizes. You had a right to feel them and legitimize them. Getting closer to your emotions will get you more in touch with who you really are. The closer you feel to your authentic self, the less anxiety, depression, and overall dissatisfaction you may feel in your life in general. [5] X Research source Physiological and cognitive effects of expressive dissonance. By: Robinson, Jennifer L. ; Demaree, Heath A. Brain & Cognition. Feb 2007, Vol. 63, Issue 1, p70-78.
Notice what parts of your body become tense, what happens to your breathing, and what happens in your abdomen or stomach.
Try to stay out of your thoughts as your create your feelings journal and stay focused on your body’s response. This will help you start to become more connected to how you really feel instead of just brushing emotions aside. [7] X Research source Kever, Anne; Grynberg, Delphine; Eeckhout, Coralie; Mermillod, Martial; Fantini, Carole; and Vermeulen, Nicolas. The Body Language: The Spontaneous Influence of Congruent Bodily Arousal on the Awareness of Emotional Words. Journal of Experimental Psychology. Human Perception & Performance. Jun2015, Vol. 41 Issue 3, p582-589
For example, write things like, “Today at work my boss made me really angry. " Validate that anger and write about why you were angry. Do this for all the emotions you feel each day. You may be surprised at the rich emotional landscape you actually have inside of you once you start paying attention. Humans are naturally emotional beings, and it is easy in a fast-paced world to become disconnected from how you really feel. [9] X Research source Koole, Sander L. The psychology of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Cognition & Emotion. Jan2009, Vol. 23 Issue 1, p4-41
If you saw something that day that made you sad, such as someone in distress or a lost animal, write out your uncensored sadness in your journal. Also continue to notice how your body physically responds. [11] X Research source Segal, Daniel L. ; Tucker, Heather C. ; Coolidge, Frederick L. A Comparison of Positive Versus Negative Emotional Expression in a Written Disclosure Study Among Distressed Students. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma. Jun 2009, Vol. 18 Issue 4, p367-381
For example, instead of screaming at someone and telling them you hate them, use your journal to write down different ways of expressing this that won’t have negative consequences on your life. Write phrases in your journal such as, “When my boss does this, I feel angry. " or “When my parents yell at me, I feel angry. " You are giving yourself the power to feel your emotions without letting your emotions have power over you. This works for other emotions as well. [13] X Research source Wang, Yu and Kong, Feng. The Role of Emotional Intelligence in the Impact of Mindfulness on Life Satisfaction and Mental Distress. Social Indicators Research. May 2014, Vol. 116, Issue 3, p843-852
For example, employers can be very frustrating. However, you have to ask yourself in any given situation what the benefit will be to you. Will your boss hear you? Will your boss understand? Would it be healthier to express your anger at home, writing about it in your journal than to engage in confrontation? You want to make sure you are true to your emotions and act on the right form of expression. [14] X Research source Betzler, Monika. Making Sense of Actions Expressing Emotions. Dialectica: International Journal of Philosophy & Official Organ of the ESAP. Sep 2007, Vol. 61, Issue 3, p447-466 Most people haven’t been shown healthy examples of how to express emotions, and these basic emotional tools have been absent from our lives. Expressing emotions is an essential part of living an emotionally healthy life, setting boundaries in you relationships, feeling validated and getting your emotional needs met. [15] X Research source Nogueira, Ana Lúcia Horta. Emotional experience, meaning, and sense production: Interweaving concepts to dialogue with the funds of identity approach. Culture & Psychology. Mar2014, Vol. 20 Issue 1, p49-58.
This way, you are taking full responsibility for yourself, your emotions, and expressing how you feel. [17] X Research source Betzler, Monika. Making Sense of Actions Expressing Emotions. Dialectica: International Journal of Philosophy & Official Organ of the ESAP. Sep 2007, Vol. 61, Issue 3, p447-466
Exploring your authentic self and learning to express yourself is not easy. However, living an authentic life and feeling as though you are honoring yourself as well as validating your emotions will result in a richer, deeper, and more humanly authentic life experience. [18] X Research source Kahn, Jeffrey H. and Garrison, Angela M. Emotional Self-Disclosure and Emotional Avoidance: Relations with Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety. Journal of Counseling Psychology, Oct 2009, v56, n4, p573-584
Get a sketch book that is unlined and try drawing or sketching, tuning in to how you feel inside. Many art schools and museums offer free drawing sessions if you want to start off in a more structured environment. Allow your inner self and inner emotions to guide you as you create. Taking time to sit and paint or draw can also be relaxing. Don’t judge your abilities. Expressing yourself creatively is not about becoming the next Leonardo da Vinci, it’s about the act of creating. Learning to express yourself means learning to get to know yourself. Unleashing the creative side of yourself can be a surprising and fulfilling way to get a handle on who you really are inside. [20] X Research source van den Akker, José. Art-based learning: painting the journey of self-realisation. Reflective Practice. Dec2014, Vol. 15 Issue 6, p751-765
Don’t limit yourself to just cardboard. Collage the cover of your emotion journal or sketchbook. Decorate an old box, a folder, or anything you might have laying around that you want to express yourself on. Express how you feel politically, spiritually, globally, or make it personal to your life. [22] X Research source van den Akker, José. Art-based learning: painting the journey of self-realisation. Reflective Practice. Dec2014, Vol. 15 Issue 6, p751-765
If you are angry, put on some music that reflects that anger and let your body move. Do the same thing is you feel happy, sad, or afraid. Try dancing to music that will help change your mood, such as dance to music that makes you feel empowered if you are afraid or to happy music if you are sad. Also try classes if you want to dance in a more structured environment. There are dance studios that offer programs for beginners that don’t require a huge time commitment. Take a beginner class in hip hop, jazz, or ballet class, as long as it fits you and your personality best. [24] X Research source Strassel, Juliane K. ; Cherkin, Daniel C. ; Steuten, Lotte; Sherman, Karen J. and Vrijhoef, Hubertus J. M. A Systematic Review of the Evidence for the Effectiveness of Dance Therapy. Alternative Therapies in Health & Medicine. May/Jun2011, Vol. 17 Issue 3, p50-59
Freeing yourself by writing can be extraordinarily illuminating and give you rich insights into thoughts and feelings you may not even be aware you had inside you. [25] X Research source Chavis, Geri Giebel. Looking out and looking in: Journeys to self-awareness and empathy through creative juxtapositions. By: Journal of Poetry Therapy. Sep 2013, Vol. 26, Issue 3, p159-167
Sing songs that honor your feelings, such as sadness, loss, anger, love, and happiness. Allow yourself to be yourself through song. If singing is something that really makes you feel like you, you can take it out in the real world as well. Try karaoke or join a community singing group. Connect with music that makes you feel like you are expressing your life, your feelings, and yourself. [27] X Research source Saarikallio, Suvi. Music as Emotional Self-Regulation throughout Adulthood. Psychology of Music, Jul 2011, v39, n3 p307-327
