Compile a list of the most important aspects of your life and personality. This list can include things like hobbies, people, goals and ideals. Set future goals for yourself. [2] X Research source If you want to be married in the next five years, it is important that the man you date is in the same place in his life.
Think of personality virtues that are important to you. Some desirable traits might be kind, funny, energetic, outgoing or optimistic. Consider occupational stability. Ask yourself what you’d like your future husband to be in his professional life - does he occupy a comfortable 9-to-5 desk job or is he a risk-taking entrepreneur that travels the world? Identify the beliefs that you want to share with your partner. For example, it may be very important that you share the same religious or political views, and this can influence where you look for a potential partner. Envision what you’d like your guy to look like, but be realistic. It’s important to be physically attracted to your man, but don’t get caught up in searching for perfection. It’s easy to find physical faults in people when you’re looking for them, so focus on his personality first.
Ask yourself what qualities your ex-boyfriends had that irritated you throughout the relationship or may have caused you to end it altogether. These can be simple behaviors or habits that had a negative effect on your relationship. Avoid dating guys with these negative personality traits. Ask yourself what undesirable qualities you brought to the relationship. There will always be things we wish we had done differently in past relationships. Think about the negative ways you might have reacted to certain situations in the past and make a commitment to manage yourself gracefully and respectfully in your future relationship.
Look at the list of desired personality traits you created and identify the hobbies you want your partner to share. For example, if you’re an athletic person and you want your man to go on ten-mile runs with you every weekend, spend some extra time scouting at your gym or even your local sporting goods store. If it’s sharing beliefs that is most important to you, look for potential partners in specific communities such as religious/spiritual groups or at political meetings.
Talk to your friends and let them know what you’re looking for. Chances are they just might know someone that fits your description. Don’t feel obligated to say “yes” if your friends want to set you up with someone you’re really not interested in dating, even if you asked for their help.
Set up a profile on a dating website such as match. com or eHarmony. com and browse around to see if you find any guys that share your interests. It might not be the old-fashioned way of doing things, but it does allow you to clearly articulate what you’re looking for in a guy. Hire a matchmaker to set you up. If you’re really having trouble finding Mr. Right and have the funds, hire a love professional to find potential matches for you. After all, a matchmaker has a very specific job, and s/he might just find something that you’re missing.
Ask him a question or make a witty comment about what he’s doing to break the ice. For example, if he just loudly lost a game of pool to his buddies, you might tease him and tell him you know a good place that he could take lessons. Body language is just as important as each word you say. Show him you’re interested by maintaining eye contact, leaning slightly forward with your body, playing with your hair and flashing him coy smiles.
Be yourself when you’re on a date. Though we often have the tendency to hide our quirky traits or nerdy obsession with Star Wars on the first date, resist the urge to misrepresent yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Take the pressure off and allow your true personality to shine through. If you joke and lighten the mood, you’ll encourage your date to open up and do the same. Don’t try to force a connection. If you haven’t felt a spark after a few dates, let it go. Be straightforward with your date by telling him that you just aren’t feeling the romantic vibes and suggesting that you remain friends.
Be careful not to confuse his friends’ actions with his actions. It’s important to see how your man acts around his friends, but don’t hold him accountable for way his friends behave on their own. Make an effort to get to know his family and see where he comes from.
If you’re going to be with someone long-term, you want to make sure that he can tolerate doing the things that only interest you, even if it means he has to sit through a chick flick once in a while. Make sure you’ll be able to fulfill your part of the bargain and sit through some activities that might not be your favorite. Compromise is necessary for a healthy relationship, and sometimes you just have to let your guy monopolize the television with his favorite video game for a few hours.
Make sure he is able to talk calmly about problems that arise in your relationship. Small arguments are inevitable in long-term relationships, but it’s crucial that your man can communicate with you if something is wrong. Examine how he deals with stressful news. Life isn’t all rainbows and kittens, and stressful situations are bound to arise. The important thing is that your guy supports you in trying times and approaches problems in a rational manner. See how your man acts when the little things go wrong. For example, if you get stuck in a snowstorm and end up getting towed down a mountain, is he angry for days on end or does he try to remedy the situation? You want to make sure your life partner can deal with less than desirable situations instead of getting angry.
